She slipped into a coma in the early hours of the morning and then into God's capable hands, giving us just enough time to get to her and to touch her one last time. She succumbed to the cancer that had claimed her breast and the brain tumour that claimed her dignity.
Not a year has gone by when she hasn't come to me in dreams when I am distressed or in need of direction or when I feel the need to talk to her,I do..there and then.
She was my inspiration and guide into the world of fashion through her unwavering style and sophistication.She shopped like the best of them and hide her purchases from my father like a squirrel burying nuts. She was ahead of her time embracing trends way before they were considered fashionable or even acceptable. She lived large and her generosity knew no bounds,she lacked confidence in social situations outside of her comfort zone and her incapacity to communicate certain fears resulted in her anger and wrath. Her pride was her golden mantle but it too would play nasty tricks on her.She never cared for criticism,gave as good as she got and would hold on to anger long after its sell by date.She was tough but generous and fiercely loyal to her family...which was quite often her downfall. She was an inveterate dreamer,too often lost in the past and with the loved ones who had gone before her,much to our detriment. She could be beauty and the beast in one blink of an eye, her rages quite notorious that would scare the toughest in our family.
During our adolescence she longed to share our secrets while we longed to fly the coop. She encouraged gatherings of our friends when dad was away, joining in the fun, letting us sip the amber nectar while sharing illicit cigarettes with her.
She was misunderstood by us, her daughters, just as we seemed to constantly disappoint her. It was all in the timing and when it could have made a difference,it ran out on us.But when she felt safe and loved, we would bask in her smile and she would reward us with gifts,her way of showing us how much she loved us.
A day before she passed away,she grabbed my cheek almost violently and told me "You know how much I love you..."something I needed to hear as much as she did.
She is smiling now and she is happy...I know this in my heart. Just as I know how much she loves us and is filled with pride for her two daughters.
"Death is nothing at all":
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That,we still are......
.....I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere.Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
3 comments:
lovely reem and very touching piece.
Yes, she was our fashion icon and you take that after her.
Allah yerhamha.
My Dear Reem,
That was beautiful, your words put tears in my eyes, I loved the way you described your beloved mother so well, she was a remarkable woman in many ways, I miss her terribly. Your beloved mother had a certain beauty inside and out. I cherish all the moments I spent with her, our laughs our cries and our happiness. The memory we have is a way of holding onto the things we love, the things we are the things we never want to lose. I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. A loved one that has finished their life on earth is not dead, there life has just began. They are still with us in spirt. Your words are emotional and true, that was quite a lovely peace you wrote. Your mother was always proud of you and she is now.
In the last 8 years since Mom has been gone, I have lived through some tough times including my fair share of hospitals & operations. These experiences opened my eyes to some of Mom's sufferings and sometimes I feel I understand her better in death than in life.... you can bet she is telling me "I told you so!!" Nice one Reemo.
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