.....I haven't the faintest idea. I saw her guest judge on Fashion Police a month ago or so,when she replaced the delightfully trim Kelly Osborne. I saw what seemed to be a shrimp dressed in woman's clothing.
What is up with doing the Outrageous? and dressing up in Granny knickers?? I frankly haven't heard anything from her debut album:"Pink Friday" which I read as being "the most exciting thing to happen to hip hop in years." Maybe it simply slipped through my musical net somewhere and never registered on my radar.But I won't judge her music, only her look and there is a whole host of the young and bizarre starting with the 9 year old and over exposed Willow Smith.Now her song I heard and wish I hadn't....So to sum it up:One whips her hair back and forth and the other...dips her hair back and front.
Excellent.
This is definitely a wardrobe "Minaj a deux..."
Recent Posts
Monday, 7 February 2011
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Stories,Conversations and Celebrity Sightings
Joy's mum likes to pack a snack whenever she leaves the house,in fact she never leaves home without one. It all innocently started when she had an appointment at her doctors and Joy suggested she take a little something to nibble on, as she predicted the wait would be long. The whole thing took on a life of its own and now her mum is permanently packing food and I don't mean a little box of Sundried Raisins...the range is extensive and has included cans of soft drinks and she has actually showed up at her daughters with a piece of Jerk chicken:
"Mum! I have food here! What will people think? Poor thing they don't feed her?!"
Food always tastes better the next day,it must be outstanding after a trip around the block.
Joy is my hairdresser in London and the best when it comes to hair relaxing at" Junior Green salon" in Knightsbridge...Anyway, we were chatting away on our favourite subject: reality tv when we turned to the Kardashian sisters; my mind went positively blank when it came to one of their names:Obviously there is Kim,who can forget her or her ass-ets....Khloe,the big scary one who can eat her sisters for breakfast.....and.... what is her name?The one with the baby??? Koriander?.....Karburator??....Kourtney!
Phew.
I went into Gant in search for a shirt for my Dad. One would think that this would be a straightforward endeavour,find the size and pay. Not when you are faced with "Regular fit" and "Easy fit" both in 3XL... what could possibly be the difference at this point in size? The subtle difference between: tent like and tent? I decided to seek council with the Asian salesman on the floor:
"Excuse me? My dad is a robust man and needs a 3 XL but what should I go with : regular or easy fit?"
"Aah! He have big belly...Regulah is fine."
"But what is the difference?"
"Regulah,Madam,Regulah."
Easy fit is anybodies guess at this point...seriously.
We met up with my dear friend R, also in London, at La Duree in what actually feels like downtown Jeddah but is in fact....Harrods. We were discussing celebrity sightings,who saw who and when...and she told us that she had just returned from "active stalking duty". Who was her prey? The diminutive dynamo Simon Cowell and the beaver perched on his head otherwise known as a haircut...Oh and his permanent fiancee Mezghan who was being dragged by the hand across the busy ground floor in Harrods on sky high heels...so let us say she skated across most of the carpeting.What struck R. as strange...and surprisingly it wasn't his haircut...was that neither one of them was wearing a coat (London was bloody freezing over last weekend) and that Mezghan was sporting open toe shoes and a sleeveless dress. I guess celebrities have a whole other tolerance to weather....they must swallow anti freeze by the gallon before they face the public in next summer's collection.
R. went into stalk mode by proxy,knowing that her cousin N. who is mad about all things Simon , needed to be called immediately. As luck would have it the stealth like missile N, also in Harrods, was already hot on his trail as R. soon noticed when she called and could hear her reply from behind her shoulder. They both proceeded to follow the Simonator around the Food Halls noting all the gaping mouths and fellow shoppers crying out "Simon! "
R. soon tired of it all and left N. to it and went about her business . She had just finished her purchase and was making her way out when who was heading towards her? Simon Cowell in full throttle mode,still dragging his tottering fiancee.... and just seen behind the sparks emanating from Mezghan's heels was the dedicated N:
"Are you stalking to me?"
"So how is your dad doing?" asked R. as we sipped tepid tea and continued our catch up session as the Middle East continued to pour in through the doors.
"Pfff! He refused to go see his doctor today and made us cancel his appointment.He has been having problems with his memory and sometimes gets confused as to whether it is night or day when getting up from his nap."
"So! Leave him alone,poor guy! Even I get confused when I wake up from a long nap and wonder where the hell I am!"
On to Peter Jones and the hunt for AAA batteries: Obviously at 4.30pm on a Friday there wasn't a sales person in sight...other than in the make up and perfume department,where they are all huddled like pigeons billing and cooing over each other while thrusting perfume in your face at break neck speed.They must train at the Gunslinger School of Open War Fare tactics, because there aim is perfect and you need to dodge them like bullets...
I finally found someone who was bending so low and acting busy in the feeble attempt to be rendered invisible:
"Hello! I can't seem to find any batteries."
"We have sold out,Madam."
"You have sold out of ALL batteries?!"
Back to Harrods for the light bulbs not found in Peter Jones:
"Can I help you Madam?"
"Yes please.Do you sell light bulbs? I can't see any."
"Which ones are you looking for....Aah,sorry Madam,we are completely sold out."
!!!****??**
At the BA check in desk in Terminal 5,I look over at a passenger checking in at a desk beside me:
"Hello Sir. Where are you flying to this afternoon?"
"I am on flight 66 to Los Angeles."
"Ok then,let me check..." Tap tappity tap:
" Erm sir?... That flight took off this morning.... at 10.45am."
"Mum! I have food here! What will people think? Poor thing they don't feed her?!"
Food always tastes better the next day,it must be outstanding after a trip around the block.
Joy is my hairdresser in London and the best when it comes to hair relaxing at" Junior Green salon" in Knightsbridge...Anyway, we were chatting away on our favourite subject: reality tv when we turned to the Kardashian sisters; my mind went positively blank when it came to one of their names:Obviously there is Kim,who can forget her or her ass-ets....Khloe,the big scary one who can eat her sisters for breakfast.....and.... what is her name?The one with the baby??? Koriander?.....Karburator??....Kourtney!
Phew.
I went into Gant in search for a shirt for my Dad. One would think that this would be a straightforward endeavour,find the size and pay. Not when you are faced with "Regular fit" and "Easy fit" both in 3XL... what could possibly be the difference at this point in size? The subtle difference between: tent like and tent? I decided to seek council with the Asian salesman on the floor:
"Excuse me? My dad is a robust man and needs a 3 XL but what should I go with : regular or easy fit?"
"Aah! He have big belly...Regulah is fine."
"But what is the difference?"
"Regulah,Madam,Regulah."
Easy fit is anybodies guess at this point...seriously.
We met up with my dear friend R, also in London, at La Duree in what actually feels like downtown Jeddah but is in fact....Harrods. We were discussing celebrity sightings,who saw who and when...and she told us that she had just returned from "active stalking duty". Who was her prey? The diminutive dynamo Simon Cowell and the beaver perched on his head otherwise known as a haircut...Oh and his permanent fiancee Mezghan who was being dragged by the hand across the busy ground floor in Harrods on sky high heels...so let us say she skated across most of the carpeting.What struck R. as strange...and surprisingly it wasn't his haircut...was that neither one of them was wearing a coat (London was bloody freezing over last weekend) and that Mezghan was sporting open toe shoes and a sleeveless dress. I guess celebrities have a whole other tolerance to weather....they must swallow anti freeze by the gallon before they face the public in next summer's collection.
R. went into stalk mode by proxy,knowing that her cousin N. who is mad about all things Simon , needed to be called immediately. As luck would have it the stealth like missile N, also in Harrods, was already hot on his trail as R. soon noticed when she called and could hear her reply from behind her shoulder. They both proceeded to follow the Simonator around the Food Halls noting all the gaping mouths and fellow shoppers crying out "Simon! "
R. soon tired of it all and left N. to it and went about her business . She had just finished her purchase and was making her way out when who was heading towards her? Simon Cowell in full throttle mode,still dragging his tottering fiancee.... and just seen behind the sparks emanating from Mezghan's heels was the dedicated N:
"Are you stalking to me?"
"So how is your dad doing?" asked R. as we sipped tepid tea and continued our catch up session as the Middle East continued to pour in through the doors.
"Pfff! He refused to go see his doctor today and made us cancel his appointment.He has been having problems with his memory and sometimes gets confused as to whether it is night or day when getting up from his nap."
"So! Leave him alone,poor guy! Even I get confused when I wake up from a long nap and wonder where the hell I am!"
On to Peter Jones and the hunt for AAA batteries: Obviously at 4.30pm on a Friday there wasn't a sales person in sight...other than in the make up and perfume department,where they are all huddled like pigeons billing and cooing over each other while thrusting perfume in your face at break neck speed.They must train at the Gunslinger School of Open War Fare tactics, because there aim is perfect and you need to dodge them like bullets...
I finally found someone who was bending so low and acting busy in the feeble attempt to be rendered invisible:
"Hello! I can't seem to find any batteries."
"We have sold out,Madam."
"You have sold out of ALL batteries?!"
Back to Harrods for the light bulbs not found in Peter Jones:
"Can I help you Madam?"
"Yes please.Do you sell light bulbs? I can't see any."
"Which ones are you looking for....Aah,sorry Madam,we are completely sold out."
!!!****??**
At the BA check in desk in Terminal 5,I look over at a passenger checking in at a desk beside me:
"Hello Sir. Where are you flying to this afternoon?"
"I am on flight 66 to Los Angeles."
"Ok then,let me check..." Tap tappity tap:
" Erm sir?... That flight took off this morning.... at 10.45am."
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Super Fly "SUPERDRY":Now open for business in Cannes.
I have a super announcement to make "SUPERDRY" has opened its doors right here in little old Cannes, my BF and I are super pleased...I should stop using the word "super" at this point...it just comes naturally along with the smile on my lips. I no longer have to run to Selfridges or the Covent Garden store when in London to pick up tshirts and the like , it is right here at my doorstep and come summer my friends kids are going to blow the hinges off the doors and buy buy buy by the bucket loads. They should foresee trolleys and baskets by the door,as all one really needs is to go through the isles and pop things super market style...(there goes the word "super" again...)into the baskets and head straight for the till because that is how eye poppingly colourful and more-ish this items are...you can't just stop at one tshirt,you'll need at least 2 more plus a sweatshirt and well...the choice is there, just take your wallet or your mom and her wallet and head straight there as soon as you get off the plane at: 6 Rue Freres Casanova 06400 Cannes. It is the pedestrian only area off the rue d'Antibes opposite Agnes B and surrounded by cafes and eateries for you to stop snack, have a coffee and dive back in!
Their first boutique in France opened back in March 2009 in St Tropez and the fevered frenzy has spread to Cannes,newly opened and ready for your business.
Move over A&F, Superdry is the new man in town.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
FAD FOOTWEAR:Friend or Foe Pas:Continued
CROCS:
Yes, they weigh less than a feather and you can adorn the little holes with cute little badges of ladybugs and smiling sunflowers....if you are 3 years old! Anyone above that: "Step away from the rubber looking wicker baskets... Unless you are Miss Marple". The whole look screams gardening so do just that: put them in your garden,plant Azaleas in them...pop a few garden gnomes beside them and Voila! You have yourself a Philippe Stark garden for a fraction of the price.This whimsical footwear is simply that : cartoonishly whimsical and yet it has taken the world by storm: A fad to stay, I am afraid and my foe.
BIRKENSTOCKS:
I daren't say much about this eponymous label other than it has reached cult status now and has joined the likes of Doc Martens and Citroen 2 CV'S: they are trendy and an acquired taste. If you have never acquired a taste for Marmite you may never acquire a taste for this kind of footwear. I leave them for the die hard fans and followers out there who are no nonsense people and would turn their noses up at Louboutin and Prada...Fashion has friends and foes in all the high places, who is to judge? Pass the muesli....
SJP,SCHOLL AND UGGS:
Back in the heyday of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker,always the doyenne of fashion and trend , was one of the first to be pictured wearing a special edition Doct Scholl with an elevated heel,Carmen Miranda style. Scholl was lifted out of the doldrums and into the limelight and they were sold everywhere and not just to nurses and beauticians. When winter drew near, SJP was snapped in baby blue coloured Uggs.... I ran out and bought a pair of each. Obviously a Carrie fan....in my eyes and the eyes of thousands SJP could do no wrong.... other than SATC the 2nd movie....why oh why take it out of the Big Apple and into the Baba Ghanoush?! Pfffff.
Uggs continue to grow and evolve in styles and colours,even Jimmy Choo latched onto the frenzy and gave us a studded rocker version for winter 2010/2011.
So thumbs up for Uggs/Mous...as for my leopard Scholls: they are relegated to the back of the closet.After a lengthy tug of war of "should I wear them and then suffer the pain of blisters" I gave up the ghost and simply love them from afar....as I now do SJP.
MUKLUKS/MINNETONKA:
Mukluks I found fun when they first came out and thought they would make a refreshing change on the "apres ski" scene.The pompoms bouncing around when you walk soon became a bore.
I owned a pair of Minnetonka fringe booties back in my boarding school days in the 80s...didn't wear them much. I think I was way ahead of the trend and not quite ready for the statement they made...well they made me feel like a moose tracker and frankly the fashion world wasn't ready for them back then either. So their revival came at a time when Mukluks and Uggs were de rigueur, so who would look twice at squaw fringed booties. Kate Moss looked great and was pictured many a time wearing the knee high version in black and the whole hippy chick vibe with Nicole Ritchie rocking the look was fresh and fun.
Older and fashion savvier,I tried to give them a go a second time around ....with not much result.It took me forever to unlace the bloody boots just to try them on in the shop and got so fed up with the interminable task, that I left them in a bundle on the floor and walked out into the arms of Pinot Grigio .
Ah! The foolish dictates of fashion and its followers.
HUNTER WELLIES:
Love,love, love em! The Jimmy Choo versions,the Glastonbury versions...the long and the short of them.They are practical,fashion forward and look great. I bought a pair of short, front lace up ones in green after much deliberation...you would think living on the Riviera I would need nothing more than flip flops...How wrong can one be. It is more like living in Seattle at the moment than the bloody Med.
Fad or foe, comfort or trend ? At the end of the day,whatever tickles your fancy is worth the stares.
Yes, they weigh less than a feather and you can adorn the little holes with cute little badges of ladybugs and smiling sunflowers....if you are 3 years old! Anyone above that: "Step away from the rubber looking wicker baskets... Unless you are Miss Marple". The whole look screams gardening so do just that: put them in your garden,plant Azaleas in them...pop a few garden gnomes beside them and Voila! You have yourself a Philippe Stark garden for a fraction of the price.This whimsical footwear is simply that : cartoonishly whimsical and yet it has taken the world by storm: A fad to stay, I am afraid and my foe.
BIRKENSTOCKS:
I daren't say much about this eponymous label other than it has reached cult status now and has joined the likes of Doc Martens and Citroen 2 CV'S: they are trendy and an acquired taste. If you have never acquired a taste for Marmite you may never acquire a taste for this kind of footwear. I leave them for the die hard fans and followers out there who are no nonsense people and would turn their noses up at Louboutin and Prada...Fashion has friends and foes in all the high places, who is to judge? Pass the muesli....
SJP,SCHOLL AND UGGS:
Back in the heyday of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker,always the doyenne of fashion and trend , was one of the first to be pictured wearing a special edition Doct Scholl with an elevated heel,Carmen Miranda style. Scholl was lifted out of the doldrums and into the limelight and they were sold everywhere and not just to nurses and beauticians. When winter drew near, SJP was snapped in baby blue coloured Uggs.... I ran out and bought a pair of each. Obviously a Carrie fan....in my eyes and the eyes of thousands SJP could do no wrong.... other than SATC the 2nd movie....why oh why take it out of the Big Apple and into the Baba Ghanoush?! Pfffff.
Uggs continue to grow and evolve in styles and colours,even Jimmy Choo latched onto the frenzy and gave us a studded rocker version for winter 2010/2011.
So thumbs up for Uggs/Mous...as for my leopard Scholls: they are relegated to the back of the closet.After a lengthy tug of war of "should I wear them and then suffer the pain of blisters" I gave up the ghost and simply love them from afar....as I now do SJP.
MUKLUKS/MINNETONKA:
Mukluks I found fun when they first came out and thought they would make a refreshing change on the "apres ski" scene.The pompoms bouncing around when you walk soon became a bore.
I owned a pair of Minnetonka fringe booties back in my boarding school days in the 80s...didn't wear them much. I think I was way ahead of the trend and not quite ready for the statement they made...well they made me feel like a moose tracker and frankly the fashion world wasn't ready for them back then either. So their revival came at a time when Mukluks and Uggs were de rigueur, so who would look twice at squaw fringed booties. Kate Moss looked great and was pictured many a time wearing the knee high version in black and the whole hippy chick vibe with Nicole Ritchie rocking the look was fresh and fun.
Older and fashion savvier,I tried to give them a go a second time around ....with not much result.It took me forever to unlace the bloody boots just to try them on in the shop and got so fed up with the interminable task, that I left them in a bundle on the floor and walked out into the arms of Pinot Grigio .
Ah! The foolish dictates of fashion and its followers.
HUNTER WELLIES:
Love,love, love em! The Jimmy Choo versions,the Glastonbury versions...the long and the short of them.They are practical,fashion forward and look great. I bought a pair of short, front lace up ones in green after much deliberation...you would think living on the Riviera I would need nothing more than flip flops...How wrong can one be. It is more like living in Seattle at the moment than the bloody Med.
Fad or foe, comfort or trend ? At the end of the day,whatever tickles your fancy is worth the stares.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
FAD FOOTWEAR :Friend or Foe Pas?
CLOGS:
I remember as a kid I avidly coveted a pair of clogs,first seen on my Swedish friend Tina's feet. I loved the clumpy hollow sound they made whenever she walked and they were a far cry from the Kickers we were made to wear and loathed.My mom never understood the attraction;understandable since growing up in Alexandria,Egypt a clog would have been used for killing roaches and doing odd jobs around the house.But she soon caved in and I became the proud owner of a pair of patent yellow leather clogs that I wore with pseudo Swedish pride.
Years on and clog free,I attended boarding school in Switzerland . The subject of clogs amazingly came up one night as our in house director gave us our welcome speech.Each winter ,from the months of January till March, was spent up in the mountains and we senior girls inhabited a gorgeous chalet with wooden floors and paneling with nothing for miles around (so no one could hear us scream...) apart from the wee train station straight out of the Alamo. So due to all the wood,it was understandable that clogs were verboten,the sound would ricochet like gunfire and deafen the entire population. We were also told,while I am at it,that no self respecting female member of this school should be seen smoking in the village streets, chewing gum like a cow or standing under a red light after dark....Natch!
I never revisited the idea of clogs until last summer when suddenly they became very in vogue and Chanel brought out a rather vertiginous version at an also vertiginous price.The battle was half won,at that price they would never find a niche within my wardrobe and I would probably be avoiding a trip to the A&E...Bonus. But one always wants to buy what is both "in" and "over priced" just to partake in that wonderful circle of tomfoolery,so I decided to check out Ebay and see if there would be any for the taking and there were,quite a few in fact,sold as new or "worn once and broke my ankle"but most still up there price wise. Maybe the sellers were desperate to get their money back or buy back their pride,after all there is nothing chic about biting the dust from on high. Did you not see the episode of "Sex and the City" when Carrie tripped and flew across the shop floor in Dior?! Mortificado!
MBTs:
I had never heard of the Masai Barefoot Technology line of shoes but my sister had read about them and dragged me into the sports shop on Kings road to try them on.They were created in 1996 and the company's philosophy is "to keep the body in continual motion" after having studied the Masai. The fact that "they can walk barefoot on natural and uneven ground" helped them make the discovery that "instability had amazing health benefits."Well if motion sickness is anything to go by,I would rather walk on solid ground with my flat soles than rock my way down the high street on what can only be described as a pair of ink blotter rockers strapped to each foot.Hideous...although they have since improved the look I still can't abide them. The Masai are a beautiful,lithe,majestic people that inspire calm and inner strength,I cannot see how the shoes represent them in anyway and I find myself singing: "Weebols wobble but they won't fall down.." when looking at a pair of those shoes in whichever shape or form they now come in. Other than my sister who has since sold hers on Ebay,I have a dear friend in London who has a pair in a nasty shade of concrete grey. I have had the pleasure of walking down Kings road many a time with her as she rocked and rolled alongside me. Sometimes she would skid,trip or suddenly be pitched forward and come to an abrupt halt like someone suddenly slamming on the brakes...I didn't know whether to act like nothing was up or cry out: "Timberrrrr!"
FITFLOPS:
Marcia Kilgore of "Bliss" and "Soap and Glory"fame decided to create a fashionable alternative to the flip flop that would enhance your physic and cure certain ills,she aptly named them: Fitflops. Here comes the science: "They are biomechanically engineered to help you tone and tighten your leg muscles while you walk"in plain speaking: to get your junk out of the trunk. They also "relieve chronic back pain,sciatica and osteoarthritis..."I would much rather get my flop fit at the gym and wear my simple,cheap as chips Havaianas flip flops that don't promise you a darn thing and therefore won't disappoint.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
I remember as a kid I avidly coveted a pair of clogs,first seen on my Swedish friend Tina's feet. I loved the clumpy hollow sound they made whenever she walked and they were a far cry from the Kickers we were made to wear and loathed.My mom never understood the attraction;understandable since growing up in Alexandria,Egypt a clog would have been used for killing roaches and doing odd jobs around the house.But she soon caved in and I became the proud owner of a pair of patent yellow leather clogs that I wore with pseudo Swedish pride.
Years on and clog free,I attended boarding school in Switzerland . The subject of clogs amazingly came up one night as our in house director gave us our welcome speech.Each winter ,from the months of January till March, was spent up in the mountains and we senior girls inhabited a gorgeous chalet with wooden floors and paneling with nothing for miles around (so no one could hear us scream...) apart from the wee train station straight out of the Alamo. So due to all the wood,it was understandable that clogs were verboten,the sound would ricochet like gunfire and deafen the entire population. We were also told,while I am at it,that no self respecting female member of this school should be seen smoking in the village streets, chewing gum like a cow or standing under a red light after dark....Natch!
I never revisited the idea of clogs until last summer when suddenly they became very in vogue and Chanel brought out a rather vertiginous version at an also vertiginous price.The battle was half won,at that price they would never find a niche within my wardrobe and I would probably be avoiding a trip to the A&E...Bonus. But one always wants to buy what is both "in" and "over priced" just to partake in that wonderful circle of tomfoolery,so I decided to check out Ebay and see if there would be any for the taking and there were,quite a few in fact,sold as new or "worn once and broke my ankle"but most still up there price wise. Maybe the sellers were desperate to get their money back or buy back their pride,after all there is nothing chic about biting the dust from on high. Did you not see the episode of "Sex and the City" when Carrie tripped and flew across the shop floor in Dior?! Mortificado!
MBTs:
I had never heard of the Masai Barefoot Technology line of shoes but my sister had read about them and dragged me into the sports shop on Kings road to try them on.They were created in 1996 and the company's philosophy is "to keep the body in continual motion" after having studied the Masai. The fact that "they can walk barefoot on natural and uneven ground" helped them make the discovery that "instability had amazing health benefits."Well if motion sickness is anything to go by,I would rather walk on solid ground with my flat soles than rock my way down the high street on what can only be described as a pair of ink blotter rockers strapped to each foot.Hideous...although they have since improved the look I still can't abide them. The Masai are a beautiful,lithe,majestic people that inspire calm and inner strength,I cannot see how the shoes represent them in anyway and I find myself singing: "Weebols wobble but they won't fall down.." when looking at a pair of those shoes in whichever shape or form they now come in. Other than my sister who has since sold hers on Ebay,I have a dear friend in London who has a pair in a nasty shade of concrete grey. I have had the pleasure of walking down Kings road many a time with her as she rocked and rolled alongside me. Sometimes she would skid,trip or suddenly be pitched forward and come to an abrupt halt like someone suddenly slamming on the brakes...I didn't know whether to act like nothing was up or cry out: "Timberrrrr!"
FITFLOPS:
Marcia Kilgore of "Bliss" and "Soap and Glory"fame decided to create a fashionable alternative to the flip flop that would enhance your physic and cure certain ills,she aptly named them: Fitflops. Here comes the science: "They are biomechanically engineered to help you tone and tighten your leg muscles while you walk"in plain speaking: to get your junk out of the trunk. They also "relieve chronic back pain,sciatica and osteoarthritis..."I would much rather get my flop fit at the gym and wear my simple,cheap as chips Havaianas flip flops that don't promise you a darn thing and therefore won't disappoint.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Ads Nauseum.
Yes...this is the season to be jolly and with Xmas literally around the corner, even more reason to bombard all television viewers with designer perfume ad campaigns, old and new, in the vain hope that they will incite us to buy their product. Now there are 4 ads on rotation at the moment that I am convinced were made to piss me off on a daily basis . Most perfume ads are colourful,sexy and rich in content but with hits(too many to mention) there are also misses and these are the ones I believe have missed the point completely... I only hope I do these mini cinematic works of genius credit in describing them to you.
Picture this,James Franco all dark and mysterious uttering these remarkable words:"You're running with me..."?! Camera swings to various scenes of him looking a little uncomfortable next to some bizarre furniture while "Slave to love" is playing in the background. Suddenly it all comes to a head when you hear:..."the world is changing"to which James the Bard Franco responds: "...I am still the same..." Deep voice over for the sales clincher: "Gucci by Gucci... " What in the blue blazes was that all about? I was more inclined to call a doctor than buy the product,simply because James was looking a little green around the gills and seemed to need medical attention more than a spritz of Gucci by Gucci.
This following one stars has-been cutie/lothario: Jude Law and his receding hair line (which is looking decidedly lush for the camera.) Music soars, a woman is heard exclaiming with her French accented English : "But 'ow will I recognize you?" Cut to simultaneous images of Jude primping himself for the RDV,images of the Eiffel Tower and to the woman wearing a ridiculously large hat .Our lad Jude responds with these following words that lack both passion and conviction: "Ahhh, don' yew worry abou' tha'..."
What a charmer, I can't stand it! Camera pans to him walking up behind the woman wearing the large hat which is either shielding her eyes from the sun or from direct contact with Jude the Lewd. The music rises as she is about to see him for the first time, he turns to look at her and what do we see... a squinting Jude Law who seems to be suffering from either a mild stroke or a nasty sty . Booming voice "Dior Homme "... There is nothing Dior about this ad,it may as well be for eye drops or haemorrhoid cream the result is the same:dull, lacklustre and extremely farcical. The only thing this incites me to do is get my eyes checked and seek out some elocution lessons.
Moving on :this is a double whammy starring the dynamic duo: David and Victoria Beckham for their his and her perfumes "Intimately Yours". Now you can tell this ad is aging badly and the acting is as wooden as my clogs.David, sporting a rather fetching tux, walks into an elevator and looks decidedly alluring. Victoria, trying to emote coy and sexy, spies him and joins him for a bit of slap and tickle. Her extremely shellacked hair is pulled back so tightly across her skull that she unfortunately looks like a startled grasshopper.There are flashing images back and forth of him..her...their lips..her hand flexing as though in rapturous ecstasy that is so utterly unconvincing that it can be easily mistaken for her trying to control her menstrual cramps.Thankfully the elevator door glides open, David looks convincingly caught in the act and poor old Victoria,trying to look like the cat who got the cream,comes off as the cat trying to control a mild bout of wind. Enough said.
The most painful ad in my eyes is for Pantene Pro V the"New Aqua Light" shampoo. Every time this comes on I scramble for the remote and the mute button ... this sets my teeth on edge. The gorgeously cute and peppy Cat Deeley fills our screens with her straight blond hair... It glistens and shines as she shakes and fans it around over and over again. This is followed by professional hair model with equally gorgeous hair shaking her head left and right, fanning and faffing around while the product is explained.This is all fine and you think it is over until a giddily giggly Cat reappears and you think "Hello? What has she forgotten?" And the next thing you see is Cat hopping up and down like a child who needs to pee while repeating ad nauseum:"SWISH!...Swishhhhh....swish,swish,swish!Hey you! Upload your swish to make a swish.com! Everyone is doing it!"... Giggle,giggle,giggle.
I just want to throw her over my balcony to see if her hair will swish on her way down.
Baah "Xmas ad" Humbug !
And Merry Xmas to you all.
Picture this,James Franco all dark and mysterious uttering these remarkable words:"You're running with me..."?! Camera swings to various scenes of him looking a little uncomfortable next to some bizarre furniture while "Slave to love" is playing in the background. Suddenly it all comes to a head when you hear:..."the world is changing"to which James the Bard Franco responds: "...I am still the same..." Deep voice over for the sales clincher: "Gucci by Gucci... " What in the blue blazes was that all about? I was more inclined to call a doctor than buy the product,simply because James was looking a little green around the gills and seemed to need medical attention more than a spritz of Gucci by Gucci.
This following one stars has-been cutie/lothario: Jude Law and his receding hair line (which is looking decidedly lush for the camera.) Music soars, a woman is heard exclaiming with her French accented English : "But 'ow will I recognize you?" Cut to simultaneous images of Jude primping himself for the RDV,images of the Eiffel Tower and to the woman wearing a ridiculously large hat .Our lad Jude responds with these following words that lack both passion and conviction: "Ahhh, don' yew worry abou' tha'..."
What a charmer, I can't stand it! Camera pans to him walking up behind the woman wearing the large hat which is either shielding her eyes from the sun or from direct contact with Jude the Lewd. The music rises as she is about to see him for the first time, he turns to look at her and what do we see... a squinting Jude Law who seems to be suffering from either a mild stroke or a nasty sty . Booming voice "Dior Homme "... There is nothing Dior about this ad,it may as well be for eye drops or haemorrhoid cream the result is the same:dull, lacklustre and extremely farcical. The only thing this incites me to do is get my eyes checked and seek out some elocution lessons.
Moving on :this is a double whammy starring the dynamic duo: David and Victoria Beckham for their his and her perfumes "Intimately Yours". Now you can tell this ad is aging badly and the acting is as wooden as my clogs.David, sporting a rather fetching tux, walks into an elevator and looks decidedly alluring. Victoria, trying to emote coy and sexy, spies him and joins him for a bit of slap and tickle. Her extremely shellacked hair is pulled back so tightly across her skull that she unfortunately looks like a startled grasshopper.There are flashing images back and forth of him..her...their lips..her hand flexing as though in rapturous ecstasy that is so utterly unconvincing that it can be easily mistaken for her trying to control her menstrual cramps.Thankfully the elevator door glides open, David looks convincingly caught in the act and poor old Victoria,trying to look like the cat who got the cream,comes off as the cat trying to control a mild bout of wind. Enough said.
The most painful ad in my eyes is for Pantene Pro V the"New Aqua Light" shampoo. Every time this comes on I scramble for the remote and the mute button ... this sets my teeth on edge. The gorgeously cute and peppy Cat Deeley fills our screens with her straight blond hair... It glistens and shines as she shakes and fans it around over and over again. This is followed by professional hair model with equally gorgeous hair shaking her head left and right, fanning and faffing around while the product is explained.This is all fine and you think it is over until a giddily giggly Cat reappears and you think "Hello? What has she forgotten?" And the next thing you see is Cat hopping up and down like a child who needs to pee while repeating ad nauseum:"SWISH!...Swishhhhh....swish,swish,swish!Hey you! Upload your swish to make a swish.com! Everyone is doing it!"... Giggle,giggle,giggle.
I just want to throw her over my balcony to see if her hair will swish on her way down.
Baah "Xmas ad" Humbug !
And Merry Xmas to you all.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Till Death Do Us....Party !
This has been an eventful week when it comes to celebrity breakups...must be the run up to Christmas and/or end of the year.
First announcement was the breakup of the 3 year...(3 years... only?!) marriage between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, with the headlines claiming "She cheated! "
Well, as if that would make it all more plausible or credible.Why? Is poor Arun so hapless that one needs to applaud Elizabeth's prowess in pulling off the end of their marriage which such aplomb? Apparently their marriage has been over for a while now and that although "these are sad times" she seems to be healing herself by getting her freak on with Australian cricketer and "Mask" lookalike Shane Warne. As luck would have it...he too claims that his marriage is over which conveniently exonerates the dalliance that has created the outcry.
Shane Warne is nothing but a bit of rough to reawaken a slumbering libido...she needed it and I congratulate her. Come on, whatever the reasons for the end of their marriage are and that is their business, just looking at things from here Arun looks like a snooze fest on a Sunday afternoon after roast beef and Yorkshire pud... That Bolly has left the woods and this will be great for both her ego and her image. Come New Years he'll be texting somebody else's wife and making a mess of things while Liz will safety pin herself into another tight gown,boobs a blazing while on the arm of a young lothario half her age...mark my word. You have been Warne-d....
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen have also called it quits after only 2 years of marriage,citing work commitments as the culprits.This is a great shame as they made such a gorgeous couple and one truly applauded that union.Now I fear people are also applauding its dissolution by the bucket loads: woman all over the world must be forming a queue for Ryan's heart while singing Etta James' "At last": my love has come along..." Not that the men out there are getting a raw deal either! Two hotties released in one go...Christmas has come early.
The breakup statement made was:"We end our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it." Don't let the door bump you on the way out...is more likely what he/she wanted to say...
For the third and final breakup,the perennial young lovers Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens have parted ways, having reached their relationship sell by date. The press release indicates that:"It's nothing dramatic.There's no third party involved." I believe it's more likely that he has reached a higher hollywood echelon and she no longer fitted the part nor did she feel like competing...and she simply doesn't. From where I sit,Zac has a higher profile than Vanessa,he is more red carpet A list and his star his shooting through the heavens at warp speed. She doesn't quite have the same notoriety and hasn't really moved on from the ultimate hippy chick. To be frank,I can't quite name anything she has been in since her "High School Musical" days. Come on,name one thing... The statement goes on to say that "they have been together a long time and that they simply drifted apart" which makes absolute sense and no one can refute this simple but honest statement.
Zac will move on to Angelina...just kidding (she'll eat him alive or quite possibly adopt him) but definitely someone with equal A lister footing like the gorgeous Blake Lively or fabulous Leighton Meester and the fickle world will applaud that happy union.
Now...does anybody care who Kim Kardashian is now dating? Nah! I agree....I just enjoy watching her buttocks jostle for freedom within their too tight confinement and the only time I will care to hear anything about Justin Bieber is when he has shaved all his bloody hair off and joined the Hare Krishna's ...if truth be told.....not even then.
First announcement was the breakup of the 3 year...(3 years... only?!) marriage between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, with the headlines claiming "She cheated! "
Well, as if that would make it all more plausible or credible.Why? Is poor Arun so hapless that one needs to applaud Elizabeth's prowess in pulling off the end of their marriage which such aplomb? Apparently their marriage has been over for a while now and that although "these are sad times" she seems to be healing herself by getting her freak on with Australian cricketer and "Mask" lookalike Shane Warne. As luck would have it...he too claims that his marriage is over which conveniently exonerates the dalliance that has created the outcry.
Shane Warne is nothing but a bit of rough to reawaken a slumbering libido...she needed it and I congratulate her. Come on, whatever the reasons for the end of their marriage are and that is their business, just looking at things from here Arun looks like a snooze fest on a Sunday afternoon after roast beef and Yorkshire pud... That Bolly has left the woods and this will be great for both her ego and her image. Come New Years he'll be texting somebody else's wife and making a mess of things while Liz will safety pin herself into another tight gown,boobs a blazing while on the arm of a young lothario half her age...mark my word. You have been Warne-d....
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen have also called it quits after only 2 years of marriage,citing work commitments as the culprits.This is a great shame as they made such a gorgeous couple and one truly applauded that union.Now I fear people are also applauding its dissolution by the bucket loads: woman all over the world must be forming a queue for Ryan's heart while singing Etta James' "At last": my love has come along..." Not that the men out there are getting a raw deal either! Two hotties released in one go...Christmas has come early.
The breakup statement made was:"We end our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it." Don't let the door bump you on the way out...is more likely what he/she wanted to say...
For the third and final breakup,the perennial young lovers Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens have parted ways, having reached their relationship sell by date. The press release indicates that:"It's nothing dramatic.There's no third party involved." I believe it's more likely that he has reached a higher hollywood echelon and she no longer fitted the part nor did she feel like competing...and she simply doesn't. From where I sit,Zac has a higher profile than Vanessa,he is more red carpet A list and his star his shooting through the heavens at warp speed. She doesn't quite have the same notoriety and hasn't really moved on from the ultimate hippy chick. To be frank,I can't quite name anything she has been in since her "High School Musical" days. Come on,name one thing... The statement goes on to say that "they have been together a long time and that they simply drifted apart" which makes absolute sense and no one can refute this simple but honest statement.
Zac will move on to Angelina...just kidding (she'll eat him alive or quite possibly adopt him) but definitely someone with equal A lister footing like the gorgeous Blake Lively or fabulous Leighton Meester and the fickle world will applaud that happy union.
Now...does anybody care who Kim Kardashian is now dating? Nah! I agree....I just enjoy watching her buttocks jostle for freedom within their too tight confinement and the only time I will care to hear anything about Justin Bieber is when he has shaved all his bloody hair off and joined the Hare Krishna's ...if truth be told.....not even then.
