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Thursday, 5 January 2012

What the Hayek is Going On ?

Picture this: France 1802 and the former lil’Big man Emperor Napoleon creates the Legion d’Honneur; France’s highest merit to be awarded to “the men and women who have devoted themselves, sometimes even their lives” to their nation and country.
Now back to the here and now and our latter lil Big Man Nicolas Sarkozy who has chosen to award the illustrious Chevalier of the Legion d’Honneur to: (drum roll.....) Salma Hayek. Napoleon  bolts upright in his grave. And for what pray tell? Well by jingo for “her services to the French Republic !” You ignorant fools! Erm...forgive said ignorance my liege but: What Bloody services???

And therein lies the rub...who the hell knows, other than maybe Sarkozy himself who happens to be buddies with Salma’s billionaire husband: Francois-Henri Pinault (chief executive officer of PPR, which owns luxury brands such as Gucci, YSL and Balenciaga amongst others... and who also happens to be Linda Evangelista’s baby daddy) 'Tis an election year my friends...time to play silly buggers.

This nomination for the French knighthood has provoked outrage and sent shock waves across France.The French are up in arms, baguettes and anything else they can wave a stick at...even berets have been thrown to the floor like gauntlets challenging the government. This incident has even led one former minister to refusing the same award.

Salma Hayek ,whose latest claim to fame is the voice of Kitty Softpaws in Shrek’s spin off film “Puss in Boots”, doesn’t deserve the derision... she didn’t ask to be nominated after all. Well, no... obviously not. But should she accept it? Well No! Obviously not. She would gain far more respect from her husband’s peeps by refusing this great honour and giving it to someone who is better deserving of it.

So Katy Perry and Russell Brand huh? Who would have guessed it?...Duh! Just about everyone! I bet she’ll be singing “The One That Got Away....” with half of her fortune for a long time to come. No setup of the prenup... Don’t ya just love these whirlwind marriages and their staying power? There are going to be some new songs coming out of this , I can tell you . And it won’t be all popsicles and candy floss either...

Ashton Kutcher has been spotted canoodling with a Demi Moore lookalike over the holidays...Excuse me has the press had a good look at the gorgeous Demi Moore recently? Cos despite the extreme weight loss due to her ex’s prior canoodling, she is still a stunner and whomever he was with doesn’t hold a candle to her. So let us leave him to his new role in Two and a Half Men.. ...he by the way, counts as the half.

To round things up nicely, how about that JLO and her boy toy? I would be so bold as to say that it is a match made in playpen heaven... He throws a rattle in her direction and she picks it up and sings into it. He puts gum in her hair and she’ll twiddle it around her finger....Come on! Is there any wonder that Marc Anthony is seen desperately clutching a tumbler of something alcoholic in almost every scene in his duet with Pit Bull? Can you blame him? How icky does that make you feel? Very, in fact almost as icky as Madonna and her little bit of exotic fluff.