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Monday, 10 June 2013

Having a New York Moment....

American Eagle on Broadway:
"Have you found what you are looking for?"asked well trained salesperson 10 seconds after I enter the room.
"Erm..No...But when I do...I'll let you know!" replied smarmy self.

My Miu Miu sunglasses were a BIG hit as was my Hermes Evelyne handbag:
"I loveeee your sunglasses..Miu Miu?!"...at Bloomies, Tods,Lucky Brand....
Smile and nod...nod and smile...

" I have been staring at your bag...." smile and nod and pull bag close to my side.
"Is that an 'Er-maize ?...I have one too but in black...I've never seen that colour!..." exclaimed salesgirl at Saks rather loudly.

" I Loveeee your 'Ermes! I have one too in camel...How come I haven't seen that colour?!"..stunned salesgirl at Club Monaco..
Weary smile,half hearted nod...
" Bloody Hell!" exclaimed my sister now so over this whole ordeal..." Does every salesgirl in Manhattan have your handbag...Just not in that colour!!!!"

At M&M's on Times Square...where we had no business being in  if it wasn't for my mini bout of dementia:
Buying some Peanut butter filled M&M's (and may I say that this was certainly not for me but for my beloved)...
At the "filling station":
"How much do you want ma'am?"
"Fill her up!" I replied wholeheartedly.
I get to the cash register and hand over my precious,stuffed to bursting bag of M&M's that weighs almost as much as a small child:
"That 'll be $44.00 ma'am"...
"HOW MUCH????...Empty some of it out!!"
My sister is rolling around laughing....
"How much shall I remove?"patient checkout girl...so very used to this by now.
"Most of it..."embarrassed moi.
"$18.00 ok?"
"Yesssss..." muffled reply.
We found large packets of Peanut butter M&M's sold at Duane Reade for $4.99.....

Wanting some pampering we went in search of a nail bar...you would think that you would walk passed one on every corner...not on Madison Ave....In Brooklyn: yes!
In Barney's basement floor:
"Is there a nail bar here?"
"No, but I will send you to the place I go to...ask for the manageress and tell her I sent you.."
Off we go to "ARIES Nail" on Lexington Ave and 57th.
We climb up the stairs...after having walked all over the bloody place looking for a nail bar and feeling the heat...
Lovely place,packed....I don't believe there was a single word uttered upon entry,everyone was in the zone or zoned out...except for me! I come in guns a-blazing and in full Dolby:
Quiet Chinese guy at reception...without batting an eyelid:
"NO...BARNEYS SENT US HERE"...I persevere in full volume while heads are turning and eyes are popping and my sister is trying to sshh me to no avail because I am talking so loud I can't possibly hear her!!
"SHHHHHH! For God's sake Reem! Everyone is staring at you!!" 
".....OH! Oh... we would like to have our nails done please...." I dial it down to a dull whisper.
And may I say...it was FABULOUS!
As we leave my sister adds:
"And why didn't you ask for the manageress?".....

 The "Lasagna suit"?? Liberace's wardrobe on display inside the Time Warner building.

And finally in Saks:
While in the changing room trying on a dress I overhear a French couple in the changing room next door:
"Cheri? What do you think?...." asks the wife (in French)trying on some floor length dress she needs for a do.
"Oui ...lovely"replies the husband enthusiastically.
"...I didn't think it would fit...blah blaah...Can you close it please?" asks the wife in between more chatter. 
"Mais oui..."more give and take with his wife who once again interjects in mid sentence:...
" Cheri? Can you close it please...?"
Sigh..."Pffff..Cherie!!!" replies her petulant husband finally doing her bidding.
"Not the door!!! " exclaims the wife..."The dress!!"
I crack up laughing as I walk out and pass their closed door...
"Allo?! C'est pas drole!" replied the wife..I hope as amused as I .

I proceed to the cash desk only to be rail roaded by a salesgirl who did not help me;
"Oh I am so happy that worked out for you?"
She taps it all out on the computer and turns the screen towards me:
"Do you want to pay in dollars?..Or whatever this is ..." as she points to another monetary symbol.
"In whatever that is"...I reply.
Unperturbed she motors on and taps on her computer screen some more:
"So you live in Tampa?"...
"Nooooo? I live in Cannes"... I reply completely thrown off guard by this continued sketch acting itself around me.

"Ooohhhh!..Can-nes! Lucky you!!!...Hey Gina! Maybe Eddie can buy you a trip there..."
Gina unimpressed by it all:
"Pffff...Yeah right!...Eddie can't even buy me a loaf of bread...."

And for the grand finale and not so happy ending at the Andaz:
We check out dragging heavy wheelie bags and handbags and carry on bags...you get the picture?

My sister checks the bill thoroughly and sees some figures that don't add up:
"Excuse me but what are these..." she points to the figures here and there.
"Oh, that's just overidge" replies the host.
Overidge? Is that even a word and if so what the hell does it mean??

" Can somebody get us a cab ?" my sister asks after we paid.
" Yes go see the girls at the door they will give you your options..."

One of the girls goes out to find us a cab...on that day it happened to be cold and bordering on the wet...the girl comes in after about 7 mns.
" Sorry!! I tried!" and promptly disappears.
My sister storms out with a : "I'll find one " trailing behind her.
" Let me give you your options" says girl number 2.
Again with the options?!
"We have an in house car service that is considerably more expensive than a cab...for $170...or.... you can go and look for a cab on Madison" Colgate smile and end of option telling.
My sister waltzes in triumphant:"Come on Reem!"
"Oh!...she found one"....

Seriously? She was trying to tell us that "cabs are hard to find on 5th Ave?..and that "they didn't always want to go to LaGuardia.."
"We are going to Newark..."

Very disappointing end to a lovely story.