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Wednesday, 29 September 2010

No "Palermo" Italiano : Olivia Palermo,to know her is to love her?

Olivia Palermo is on the cover of next months edition of Tatler and she frankly deserves the accolade. Her hypnotic and bewitching Bambi-esque gaze exudes the cool elitism she is renowned for. Being chosen for a Tatler cover is like being invited to Buckingham Palace for tea with her Majesty the Queen...total acceptance and recognition within the strict realm of the social elite and fashion glitterati. Bravo!
As Catherine Ostler,the editor, so clearly puts it :.."If you haven't heard of her (Olivia Palermo)then you are clearly over 30,have never seen The City and need to dramatically adjust your fashion antennae." Well I clearly don't fit the bill:not only am I over 30 but I know who she is having seen every episode of The City that I can name everyone in the show.As for my fashion antennae...it must be off the charts then!
I don't believe that this is necessarily a good thing, for the image I have of her from the series is that of a spoilt young lady with an attitude problem that doesn't come across as attractive. She claims,in her interview for Tatler,that editing is the reason the world at large sees her as a villainess....hmmm.
The motives of the "self important"are rarely innocent, just as their innate sense of entitlement renders them less than delightful in the eyes of the masses.
Don't get me wrong,Olivia Palermo is utterly gorgeous and polished to perfection...a feat that most New Yorkers accomplish with such ease. She is a walking ad for the Upper East Side..how she hasn't guest starred in Gossip Girl is beyond me ...she is the real thing ! A socialite cartoon image of  Cruella de Ville in YSL Tribute heels. She at least hasn't suffered from the "negative"image,her appeal amongst the young fashion forward as well as all women with taste and style has risen. She has become  Style Ambassador ...love her,or loathe her..she is here for a while.  Does Whitney Port have the same global acclaim?...enough said.
I have known Olivia Palermo's all my life and one stands out from the rest. I used to socially interact with a Middle Eastern version of Miss Palermo; just as lovely ,bred from fine stock,primped and polished with legs of a foal and the ample cleavage of a Page 6 girl. Now where they differ is in their individual approach to fashion:where one has exquisite taste and style,the other worships at the alter of a Footballers wives wardrobe...all chav and no tastic. Now just like Olivia, her barbs can be caustic,her comments loaded and her compliments dubious at best. So yep! The bitter after taste that lingers from this past friendship only defines my bias towards Miss Palermo's character. In this fickle world of fashion in which (as Heidi Klum so aptly puts it in Project Runway): "One day you are in...and the next you are a-out!" you can never let your guard down....After all "To fake it,is to make it"and God bless all those who do.
Let me add one final self indulgent word on the subject ; this is aimed at Olivia's gorgeous boyfriend Johannes Huebl and it is a line from "The way we were":
"Your girl is lovely, Huebl (Hubbell)..." And she is,she truly is. 

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Balenciaga's foray into toys


Anyone  whose fashion feathers are as easily ruffled as mine, will probably agree with me on the total absurdity of Balenciaga's lego shoes in all the magazines out now ...thankfully I haven't seen them clomping down the street in the thriving metropolis I live in...nor would I,for that matter. Thankfully gaudy reigns supreme here and these clod hoppers aren't even that!
These for me are  Balenciaga's car crash moment. I know the fashion world has produced a lot of these stacked, club sandwich like shoes...why oh why? Hold the mayo,the bacon and all the plastic..get back to aesthetics and sophistication,please! Where are we going here? Straight for Toyland that's for sure. Any little girl playing in her mom's closet will reach for the stiletto's and lose her tiny feet in them with pride...the stacked shoes will be used as a housing complex for her play mobile dolls. 
First of all they look incredibly uncomfortable to wear;the components look like recycled plastic, PVC and bits of moulded kitchen cabinets. Who in their right mind would consider this:
a) fashionable
c) man catchers :any man who sees you walking into a bar/restaurant in these shoes...and I use the term lightly...  will turn away and ignore the hell out of you and the toys you came in with.
Now if  you don't give a toss about a man's opinion on fashion and buy them for your own pleasure ...then get thee to said bar,get blind drunk and then you will see the sheer hilarity and error of your ways . At least you won't be stumbling out to look for a taxi home...those things will keep you upright in gale force winds.
NB:..can anyone tell me if they have actually seen these in stores ? I should keep my eyes open when next in London and wear a garlic necklace.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Let's give it up for: Sir Loin and Lady Gaga...

So what's the beef? Lady Gaga received her much deserved accolades and came out of the VMA's with 8 awards...good for her,she deserves them. Ok so she was wearing  every one's dinner , look at 62 year old Cher,she thought she could:"..Turn back ti-yammme" and wear that old ensemble again...like anyone could forget that fashion disaster. But meat, seriously? It only seems an appropriate apparel if one  wants to step into the vulture enclosure at the zoo during feeding time. Then again Gaga has more up her sleeves ...I just hate to think what was left on the sleeves of all those who hugged her during the ceremony. I guess it was an olfactory blessing she didn't opt for  fish .
I was invited to go see the Pussycat Dolls at the Grimaldi Forum in Monaco a few years back and the best part of that for me was the opening act: Lady Gaga. This was back when she was a little rounder,her soft curves clashing with her then "Thunderbirds meet Mugler"outfits. Her prepubescent audience (comprised of spoilt, undressed 15 year olds ) were in wild rapture as Gaga thrusted her Disco Stick  at them . What shocked me most was the combination of  sexual innuendos and under age kids. What no adults in Monaco had heard of Lady Gaga that they were all indulging their "Chuppa Chups" totting offspring?
I wonder how her vegetarian and vegan "Little monsters"  feel about this outright carnivorous affront? I guess they will forgive her anything, all for the sake of artistic freedom. When you think about the PETA ad campaigns vilifying wearers of  fur...Gaga has bypassed all that and gone straight for the soft under belly or was that the rump?
 Who you gonna call?Your local butcher?
I think I'll be skipping my weekly intake of beef , I have visually ingested enough .
How about you?

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Weekend Trysts

 We too favour the Cadogan Hotel for our weekends in London when we are not staying with dad; location,location,location!
As for rooms,ours : 506 was small but quaint with a rooftop view , a queen size bed with a mattress that may well have dated back to the 1800s. If for entertainment sake we had wanted to follow in Oscar's footsteps our tryst would have more than likely sent us to hospital rather than the nearest police station. Everytime one of us tried to get up off the bed,the other would be left flailing around in the aftermath or rolling from side to side like a wave hitting the shore.Hang on a second...isn't it rather the size of the boat than the motion of the ocean ?
Didn't  even get "..a handbag" out of that sojourn.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

A restaurant without table manners.

     For all those aficionados of the Wizard of Oz, you will know that Toto was Dorothy's dog and loyal companion ..it was also how we were treated at the aptly named restaurant "Toto's" in the heart of London's chic Walton street.
We had originally wanted to go to Scalini's,but as it was fully booked our hotel receptionist wholeheartedly suggested Toto's which is  in the same area and apparently equally good if not a little more casual. Fine.
Now we are true foodies,we love nothing better than a fine meal served with a fine wine and are more than happy to pay for the top notch service one expects in these establishments. We would have had a warmer reception upon entering McDonald's on Brompton Rd than what awaited us upon entering Toto's.
The manager was on the phone,audibly irate and had his back to us. While waiting for our table to be ready,we were relegated to a corner table  in outer Mongolia,adjacent to the neglected bar that may never have actually seen a barman let alone any atmosphere .There we dutifully sat, a little unnerved by the abrupt reception but nevertheless still naively optimistic. We weren't offered a drink but there was a bowl of rubbery looking olives that may very well have been rubber judging by their sheen and consistency.
We were finally escorted to a nice big round table slap in the middle of the hustle and bustle,once the manager had angrily torn himself away from the phone and could muster the semblance of a smile.
"Would you like anything to drink?" he asked.
"Could we see the wine menu please?"
We got water and the menus, the wine list still bizarrely absent. After another two polite attempts and once the order had been taken, did it  finally appear. It was as if we had absurdly demanded to see the Magna Carta.
The bread basket made its round,the wine appeared and the starters were served...we fell into the mutual silence of the hungry.
Then things took a dramatic turn for the worst just as our main meal was served. We had almost finished the bottle of wine by then, when the headwaiter appeared by our sides and it wasn't to ask us whether we wanted another one. The empty bottle was removed and this man with more hair than sense seemed hell bent to get a head start on inappropriately clearing away certain items on our table.... while we were still eating! The excruciating part was watching him extend his arm across my partners plat without so much as an "excuse me,sir"... as if an act of  such gross misconduct could be excusable. We were rendered speechless...but either it was because as a group we are way too polite for our own good or simply because we were eager to see what could possibly happen next. What we did mutually agree upon was our shared desire to get  the hell out of "Dodgy"...and fast!
The bets were on as to whether dessert or coffee would be suggested (they weren't) ... I had a distinct feeling as to what would happen next...and it did not disappoint.The waiter sidled up to my sister's husband and presented him with the bill.Ever polite my Italian brother in law looked at him and quietly said in Italian ,in case anything got lost in translation:
"Would it trouble you at all to at least bring me an espresso?" The waiter withdrew his arm as if it were scalded and sheepishly withdrew the offensive item all the while mumbling that he was told to do so.
No one came forward to apologize for the sub standard behaviour, let alone the shoddy service or to offer us a conciliatory drink. We politely paid the bill and walked out.
As far as we are concerned, Toto can trot on back to Oz...we'll find Dorothy a better ,far more classier companion.
Seriously, do not bother going ... nothing there is memorable apart from the headwaiter's absurd amount of hair.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

All creatures great and worn...

 Ever seen a pair of caged shoes? I have... and now so can  you. These are a pair of men's  fur shoes : "Marmoset Moccasins" anyone ? They have to be locked up at night not for their safety but for yours,for fear they may scurry out and join the rat race in the busy streets of London. Now why these were ever conceived is beyond me,what worries me more is who on earth would be caught dead or alive wearing them. I mocked the "Sasquatch feet " boots from Chanel but these are a sight for sore eyes and I haven't even mentioned the rest of the fur fest on show in this men's boutique opposite Harrods. Alternative fashion so far off the radar that no one will miss it apart from the animal itself.
So not to dwell too long on this abominable creation..let me leave you with the icing on the cake....the matching "man bag" .Yes!You saw it here first... now will someone please call the RSPCA.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

SHOES GLORIOUS SHOES ! : onstage for your pleasure

I am very excited about this show , even though the odds of my getting to actually see it are slim...(as I live in France)..so I will rely on your comments to let me know how fabulous it is.
This show is nothing but pure genius, not only does it feature one of our greatest passions: SHOES but it also permits us to see them in poetic motion; on stage dancing and bopping away but... on somebody else's feet ! We come out of it  unscathed and blister free but having felt the sheer elation nonetheless. A feast for the eyes for all shoe lovers and a rollicking good time to boot...Genius.
It promises to run the gamut on a whole range of shoes from trainers to crocs, to the sublime Louboutins and Ferragamos...yep!..now I have your full attention. I get that you may not particularly favour the crocs way of life, I have the same aversion for Birkenstocks..but frankly the whim and whimsy of it all promises one humdinger of a show.
 How about this : plan a day out visiting Selfridges' new shoe emporium during the day...maybe buy a  pair  and in the evening show them off at Sadler's Wells on your way to your booked seat to see the show! Perfect shoe outing for any woman .
In a nutshell expect : 32 musical numbers , over 250 pairs of shoes , 12 hot dancers , 5 incredible singers and a live band.
NB : Please don't hang around backstage waiting for a discarded pair of Loubous..tut tut tut.
To find out more or simply book, go to : http://www.sadlerswells.com/