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Sunday, 27 February 2011

Hollywood or Hollywouldn't?The Grammys

First let me say,as the Oscars loom ahead of us tonight,how much the awards season is not only all glam,bam and thank you mam...but also fashion fodder for all the critics out there. Let's face it,there is alot to say about what is considered bad taste and what is considered fashionable...those lines are so blurred,don't even bother adjusting your screens.
At the Grammys Lea Michele from Glee,puckered and puckered and puckered some more on the red carpet.The show is fab,the cast and music is fab...but girlfriend: Get a grip! The whole Bridget Bardot sex kitten thing just comes off as too contrived on you and frankly makes you look like a twit.
Talking about twits:Ricky Martin in Buzz Lightyear's pants takes the biscuit. The man stood tall and proud in silver jeggings that could only be pulled off by Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters...then again maybe Jake wouldn't even want to "pull them off Ricky let alone Mika".... He should be Livin La Vida Locked up in those things and so should his stylist.
Let us drift off to my pet peeve :Justin Bieber. What in God's green earth was that kid wearing?  I believe it was a white velvet suit by D&G. Now D&G, in my eyes, are losing the plot and putting this kid inVince Vaughn's cast off romping suit is either genius or pure lunacy. Like the kid can't afford a suit that actually fits him? White velvet? Really? I think that look shocked him enough to stop him continually flicking his bloody hair and that in itself was worth its weight in gold. So maybe a good thing after all...
Nicki,Nicki,Nicki Minaj....I don't know whether her looked screamed "Bedlam in Bedrock" or "I'd like a 99 ice cream and hold the flake"...What with Lady Gaga being freshly hatched on stage why not run with it....
Ri Ri was applauded in her Jean Paul Gaultier number....(pause)..."Are you kidding me?" I don't know where to start? Jean Paul seriously, are you off your meds? Your rocker? Or simply grieving that you no longer design for Hermes? That dress is purely and simply the poodle that one puts over the spare toilet roll in the guest bathroom.
I simply adored what Joan Rivers had to say about Jennifer Lopez's dress because as gorgeous as Jennie looked,Joan's acerbic tongue made it all the more memorable:.."It is not that I didn't like Jennifer's dress.... it was so short,that I could almost see where her twins came from..."Priceless.
NB: don't get me started on Charlie Sheen who is busy biting off the hand that feeds him and making himself look and sound like a complete moron.You are in a hit show....in which you get to play the drunken Lothario that you are? Easy money! Shut the heck up and let the cameras roll...oh yeah..they've cancelled your show....Kudos numbnuts.

Monday, 7 February 2011

Who is Nicki Minaj?....

.....I haven't the faintest idea. I saw her guest judge on Fashion Police a month ago or so,when she replaced the delightfully trim Kelly Osborne. I saw what seemed to be a shrimp dressed in woman's clothing.
What is up with doing the Outrageous? and dressing up in Granny knickers?? I frankly haven't heard anything from her debut album:"Pink Friday" which I read as being "the most exciting thing to happen to hip hop in years." Maybe it simply slipped through my musical net somewhere and never registered on my radar.But I won't judge her music, only her look and there is a whole host of the young and bizarre starting with the 9 year old and over exposed Willow Smith.Now her song I heard and wish I hadn't....So to sum it up:One whips her hair back and forth and the other...dips her hair back and front.
This is definitely a wardrobe  "Minaj a deux..."

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Stories,Conversations and Celebrity Sightings

Joy's mum likes to pack a snack whenever she leaves the house,in fact she never leaves home without one. It all innocently started when she had an appointment at her doctors and Joy suggested she take a little something to nibble on, as she predicted the wait would be long. The whole thing took on a life of its own and now her mum is permanently packing food and I don't mean a little box of Sundried Raisins...the range is extensive and has included cans of soft drinks and she has actually showed up at her daughters with a piece of Jerk chicken:
"Mum! I have food here! What will people think? Poor thing they don't feed her?!"
Food always tastes better the next day,it must be outstanding after a trip around the block.

Joy is my hairdresser in London and the best when it comes to hair relaxing at" Junior Green salon" in Knightsbridge...Anyway, we were chatting away on our favourite subject: reality tv when we turned to the Kardashian sisters;  my mind went positively blank when it came to one of their names:Obviously there is Kim,who can forget her or her ass-ets....Khloe,the big scary one who can eat her sisters for breakfast.....and.... what is her name?The one with the baby??? Koriander?.....Karburator??....Kourtney!

I went into Gant in search for a shirt for my Dad. One would think that this would be a straightforward endeavour,find the size and pay. Not when you are faced with "Regular fit" and "Easy fit" both in 3XL... what could possibly be the difference at this point in size? The subtle difference between: tent like and tent? I decided to seek council with the Asian salesman on the floor:
"Excuse me? My dad is a robust man and needs a 3 XL but what should I go with : regular or easy fit?" 
"Aah! He have big belly...Regulah is fine."
"But what is the difference?"
Easy fit is anybodies guess at this point...seriously.

We met up with my dear friend R, also in London, at La Duree in what actually feels like downtown Jeddah but is in fact....Harrods. We were discussing celebrity sightings,who saw who and when...and she told us that she had just returned from "active stalking duty". Who was her prey? The diminutive dynamo Simon Cowell and the beaver perched on his head otherwise known as a haircut...Oh and his permanent fiancee Mezghan who was  being dragged by the hand across the busy ground floor in Harrods on sky high heels...so let us say she skated across most of the carpeting.What struck R. as strange...and surprisingly it wasn't his haircut...was that neither one of them was wearing a coat (London was bloody freezing over last weekend) and that Mezghan was sporting open toe shoes and a sleeveless dress. I guess celebrities have a whole other tolerance to weather....they must swallow anti freeze by the gallon before they face the public in next summer's collection. 
R. went into stalk mode by proxy,knowing that her cousin N. who is mad about all things Simon , needed to be called immediately. As luck would have it the stealth like missile N, also in Harrods, was already hot on his trail as R. soon noticed when she called and could hear her reply from behind her shoulder. They both proceeded to follow the Simonator around the Food Halls noting all the gaping mouths and fellow shoppers crying out "Simon! "
R. soon tired of it all and left N. to it and went about her business . She had just finished her purchase and was making her way out when who was heading towards her? Simon Cowell in full throttle mode,still dragging his tottering fiancee.... and just seen behind the sparks emanating from Mezghan's heels was the dedicated N:
"Are you stalking to me?"

"So how is your dad doing?" asked R. as we sipped tepid tea and continued our catch up session as the Middle East continued to pour in through the doors. 
"Pfff! He refused to go see his doctor today and made us cancel his appointment.He has been having problems with his memory and sometimes gets confused as to whether it is night or day when getting up from his nap."
"So! Leave him alone,poor guy! Even I get confused when I wake up from a long nap and wonder where the hell I am!"

On to Peter Jones and the hunt for AAA batteries: Obviously at 4.30pm on a Friday there wasn't a sales person in sight...other than in the make up and perfume department,where they are all huddled like pigeons billing and cooing over each other while thrusting perfume in your face at break neck speed.They must train at the Gunslinger School of Open War Fare tactics, because there aim is perfect and you need to dodge them like bullets...
I finally found someone who was bending so low and acting busy in the feeble attempt to be rendered invisible:
"Hello! I can't seem to find any batteries."
"We have sold out,Madam."
"You have sold out of ALL batteries?!"

Back to Harrods for the light bulbs not found in Peter Jones:
"Can I help you Madam?"
"Yes please.Do you sell light bulbs? I can't see any."
"Which ones are you looking for....Aah,sorry Madam,we are completely sold out."

At the BA check in desk in Terminal 5,I look over at a passenger checking in at a desk beside me:
"Hello Sir. Where are you flying to this afternoon?"
"I am on flight 66 to Los Angeles."
"Ok then,let me check..." Tap tappity tap:
" Erm sir?... That flight took off this morning.... at 10.45am."