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Sunday, 31 October 2010

"Say You, Say Me..."

Getting back to the boogie:
This story was told to me the other day by B a lovely 36 year old woman of Italian decent whom I have know for many years and with whom I have shared many a laugh over both successful and unsuccessful liaisons all in the name of love,well lust. She has yet to find the "oogie to her boogie..."
Now B has had her fair share of dates in her quest for "the one" even had relationships that went well past their sell by date if it wasn't for her sheer determination to make it work and prove her father wrong.
Early last summer she had met someone with potential,he ticked most of the boxes including ones that weren't even on the list such as:"knight in shining wet suit"....He voluntarily jumped into the filthy,fuel addled sea between boats and flotsam to rescue B's IPod that had fallen in. She was smitten...so was I! How Mr Fantastico was he? I mean who does that on the first date other than Shrek, who would actually enjoy it? My own BF would say:"Honey,I love you but there is no way in hell I am jumping in there...I'll buy you a new one." And that would be perfectly okay! 
He was an incredible kisser and soon turned out to be an incredible asshole when on the drive back after a particular dud evening out,he received a  text message at 3am and tried to pass it off as "ads".They in fact turned out to be a booty call and trying to fend for himself,he tripped over the numerous lies he had spun that he was soon caught in the web of his own making. Exit Jacques Cousteau.
B bounced back as she always does and by mid summer met her potential Oogie:X through a popular Internet dating site . They got together a couple of times and enjoyed each other's company,he:extremely gentlemanly and attentive to her needs,she:happy with all the attention. Soon the night was upon them,X invited B over for dinner and she was electric with the anticipation..it was time to take the next step. Dinner was perfect, X took care of everything ... right down to the box of Kleenex by the bed side!?...and the lace hanky artfully placed over the lampshade to create the right shade of cheesy. She told me she wanted to run...all that was missing were the rose petals and cooing doves. She didn't utter a word until X reached out,flicked a switch by his side of the bed and out popped the dulcet tones of the King of Cheese himself, Lionel Ritchie crooning:" Say You,Say Me...." to his now tepid audience.
"For God's sake! Turn that thing off!"
"But why? I find it romantic!"
"I don't...it is a mood killer and mine is on suicide watch."
They did try to make a go of it but B 's pragmatic approach to love and relationships was never on par to X's. He is hearts and roses while she is Guns and Roses...and never the twain shall meet.
And I am not even going to tell you about B and "Argyle sweater man" and his faithful side kick:man bag..... 


Anonymous said...

Great read Reem. Keep the wit coming. Thanks

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