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Monday, 6 June 2011

Cheryl Cole: The Hex Factor

Can somebody please throw this piece of "Cole" back in the barbecue, slap on a few burgers, bring out the beers and lets get on with a Cheryl free summer...Someone? Anyone?
Come on! All we have been hearing is how stressed she is, how overwrought; she has lost weight,put on weight all this and more in the anticipation of getting chosen to be a judge on the US version of the X-Factor.
This was a yawn fest for me but a field day for the tabloids.
Then lo and behold, the clouds parted and there was Cheryl along side her buddy Simon Cowell and the diminuative Paula Abdul , all smiling into the cameras like one big happy dysfunctional family. Paula made it known that Simon was her confident and sparring partner, Cheryl met her match and  was relegated to the back of the row . So she soldiered on, tried to make a better impression and decided to style herself and come out looking like Chewbacca in a lounge suit. Her hair was not only teased but surely titillated to the point of explosion with her feet not only hidden but enveloped by her wide leg purple trousers. Was she channeling Prince?...Surely schadenfreude kept someone from telling her that she looked like a marionette on speed. The "hex" was on and nothing short of a ouiji board could have predicted that she would be unceremoniously shipped back to Old Blighty. Did I laugh? Hell yeah! Especially when the newspapers reported how no one could understand her Geordie accent; that when she asked a contestant where he came from,he thought she was asking him how old he was.
Seriously, this show like so many others in this genre, is simply a factory churning out "stars" most of whom fall through the fame net into complete oblivion no matter who mentors them or who deigns to proclaim them" winners". Just like on " America's Next Top Model"...where are they? I have never seen half of the winners on that show in any fashion magazine let alone on the catwalks...and they are proclaimed " Top Models"... Where? Uzbekistan??
Back to Cheryl: I only wish she would follow the same path and get off our radar for a little while. Why not sing another duet with wedge head Will-i-am?  After all: Where there is a Will...there is certainly a way and that should boost her ego as well as record sales.... maybe even make her more plausible and more bankable, not just the dimpled cheeked, incoherent face of L'Oreal.
 And Cheryl? Get your cojones back.


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