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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Joan Collins: From Ermine to Pantomime

The glamorous Joan Collins has put her Dynasty days well behind her now and will be appearing in "Dick Whittington"in Birmingham over this Christmas period.She will be playing the role of  Queen Rat alongside Nigel Havers and Julian Clary. I guess it promises to be a right all romp...then again how would I know? I have never been to a panto in my life and have no intentions of breaking that long run.
She was being interviewed on a TV show called "Loose Women" on ITV and basically said that she  finally gave in when she realised she had no commitments and when her grandchildren told her to do it. 
Wow! Or maybe she was simply bored out of her whit-ttington...! See what I did there?
Then again Pamela Anderson did panto last year...what does that tell you? Not much really since Pamela Anderson's only notoriety are her boobs, Tommy Lee and those scenes on Baywatch when she is running along the beach in slow motion.Her repertoire doesn't hold a candle to La Joan...then again Mizz Collins did star in "The Stud"... many will still remember the scene on the swing?...
I had the privilege of meeting Miss Collins many years ago in Juan Les Pins while I was working  a summer job at Blanc Bleu. She walked in one morning wearing a large sun hat,a white dress, a Cartier Panthere watch and an imperious expression.She was accompanied by a tall,slim,blond man with good hair. She had just had her nails done and asked if we could show her the items that interested her.Not that Blanc Bleu was exactly Cavalli nor did she buy anything,I think she needed to duck away from prying eyes. Her boyfriend was very charming and very vocal especially when he established that not only could I speak English but that I hailed from jolly Britain. He was interested in the bathing shorts we were selling but I had to quietly whisper that they had a particular design flaw:
"I'm afraid they are a little long in the crotch."
He burst out laughing while Miss Collins seemed to fume over our shared moment of mirth as we crouched beside the bathing suit display.
"My dear! One doesn't say crotch but... crutch!"
Now that left me bamboozled and him in hysterics but I shall never forget that day and how much we laughed over those swimming trunks. As we pan back to Miss Collins...she was still not amused and rather bored now as she gave that imperious look and summoned her boyfriend to her side as they exited.
She was neither friendly,nor unfriendly she simply wafted in and wafted out still holding her hands up to dry and her head up above us lesser mortals.
Maybe her sense of humour has develop through the years and kids screaming "He's behind you" will have her in stitches and land her a Bafta....who knows.


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