CLOGS:
I remember as a kid I avidly coveted a pair of clogs,first seen on my Swedish friend Tina's feet. I loved the clumpy hollow sound they made whenever she walked and they were a far cry from the Kickers we were made to wear and loathed.My mom never understood the attraction;understandable since growing up in Alexandria,Egypt a clog would have been used for killing roaches and doing odd jobs around the house.But she soon caved in and I became the proud owner of a pair of patent yellow leather clogs that I wore with pseudo Swedish pride.
Years on and clog free,I attended boarding school in Switzerland . The subject of clogs amazingly came up one night as our in house director gave us our welcome speech.Each winter ,from the months of January till March, was spent up in the mountains and we senior girls inhabited a gorgeous chalet with wooden floors and paneling with nothing for miles around (so no one could hear us scream...) apart from the wee train station straight out of the Alamo. So due to all the wood,it was understandable that clogs were verboten,the sound would ricochet like gunfire and deafen the entire population. We were also told,while I am at it,that no self respecting female member of this school should be seen smoking in the village streets, chewing gum like a cow or standing under a red light after dark....Natch!
I never revisited the idea of clogs until last summer when suddenly they became very in vogue and Chanel brought out a rather vertiginous version at an also vertiginous price.The battle was half won,at that price they would never find a niche within my wardrobe and I would probably be avoiding a trip to the A&E...Bonus. But one always wants to buy what is both "in" and "over priced" just to partake in that wonderful circle of tomfoolery,so I decided to check out Ebay and see if there would be any for the taking and there were,quite a few in fact,sold as new or "worn once and broke my ankle"but most still up there price wise. Maybe the sellers were desperate to get their money back or buy back their pride,after all there is nothing chic about biting the dust from on high. Did you not see the episode of "Sex and the City" when Carrie tripped and flew across the shop floor in Dior?! Mortificado!
MBTs:
I had never heard of the Masai Barefoot Technology line of shoes but my sister had read about them and dragged me into the sports shop on Kings road to try them on.They were created in 1996 and the company's philosophy is "to keep the body in continual motion" after having studied the Masai. The fact that "they can walk barefoot on natural and uneven ground" helped them make the discovery that "instability had amazing health benefits."Well if motion sickness is anything to go by,I would rather walk on solid ground with my flat soles than rock my way down the high street on what can only be described as a pair of ink blotter rockers strapped to each foot.Hideous...although they have since improved the look I still can't abide them. The Masai are a beautiful,lithe,majestic people that inspire calm and inner strength,I cannot see how the shoes represent them in anyway and I find myself singing: "Weebols wobble but they won't fall down.." when looking at a pair of those shoes in whichever shape or form they now come in. Other than my sister who has since sold hers on Ebay,I have a dear friend in London who has a pair in a nasty shade of concrete grey. I have had the pleasure of walking down Kings road many a time with her as she rocked and rolled alongside me. Sometimes she would skid,trip or suddenly be pitched forward and come to an abrupt halt like someone suddenly slamming on the brakes...I didn't know whether to act like nothing was up or cry out: "Timberrrrr!"
FITFLOPS:
Marcia Kilgore of "Bliss" and "Soap and Glory"fame decided to create a fashionable alternative to the flip flop that would enhance your physic and cure certain ills,she aptly named them: Fitflops. Here comes the science: "They are biomechanically engineered to help you tone and tighten your leg muscles while you walk"in plain speaking: to get your junk out of the trunk. They also "relieve chronic back pain,sciatica and osteoarthritis..."I would much rather get my flop fit at the gym and wear my simple,cheap as chips Havaianas flip flops that don't promise you a darn thing and therefore won't disappoint.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Recent Posts
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Ads Nauseum.
Yes...this is the season to be jolly and with Xmas literally around the corner, even more reason to bombard all television viewers with designer perfume ad campaigns, old and new, in the vain hope that they will incite us to buy their product. Now there are 4 ads on rotation at the moment that I am convinced were made to piss me off on a daily basis . Most perfume ads are colourful,sexy and rich in content but with hits(too many to mention) there are also misses and these are the ones I believe have missed the point completely... I only hope I do these mini cinematic works of genius credit in describing them to you.
Picture this,James Franco all dark and mysterious uttering these remarkable words:"You're running with me..."?! Camera swings to various scenes of him looking a little uncomfortable next to some bizarre furniture while "Slave to love" is playing in the background. Suddenly it all comes to a head when you hear:..."the world is changing"to which James the Bard Franco responds: "...I am still the same..." Deep voice over for the sales clincher: "Gucci by Gucci... " What in the blue blazes was that all about? I was more inclined to call a doctor than buy the product,simply because James was looking a little green around the gills and seemed to need medical attention more than a spritz of Gucci by Gucci.
This following one stars has-been cutie/lothario: Jude Law and his receding hair line (which is looking decidedly lush for the camera.) Music soars, a woman is heard exclaiming with her French accented English : "But 'ow will I recognize you?" Cut to simultaneous images of Jude primping himself for the RDV,images of the Eiffel Tower and to the woman wearing a ridiculously large hat .Our lad Jude responds with these following words that lack both passion and conviction: "Ahhh, don' yew worry abou' tha'..."
What a charmer, I can't stand it! Camera pans to him walking up behind the woman wearing the large hat which is either shielding her eyes from the sun or from direct contact with Jude the Lewd. The music rises as she is about to see him for the first time, he turns to look at her and what do we see... a squinting Jude Law who seems to be suffering from either a mild stroke or a nasty sty . Booming voice "Dior Homme "... There is nothing Dior about this ad,it may as well be for eye drops or haemorrhoid cream the result is the same:dull, lacklustre and extremely farcical. The only thing this incites me to do is get my eyes checked and seek out some elocution lessons.
Moving on :this is a double whammy starring the dynamic duo: David and Victoria Beckham for their his and her perfumes "Intimately Yours". Now you can tell this ad is aging badly and the acting is as wooden as my clogs.David, sporting a rather fetching tux, walks into an elevator and looks decidedly alluring. Victoria, trying to emote coy and sexy, spies him and joins him for a bit of slap and tickle. Her extremely shellacked hair is pulled back so tightly across her skull that she unfortunately looks like a startled grasshopper.There are flashing images back and forth of him..her...their lips..her hand flexing as though in rapturous ecstasy that is so utterly unconvincing that it can be easily mistaken for her trying to control her menstrual cramps.Thankfully the elevator door glides open, David looks convincingly caught in the act and poor old Victoria,trying to look like the cat who got the cream,comes off as the cat trying to control a mild bout of wind. Enough said.
The most painful ad in my eyes is for Pantene Pro V the"New Aqua Light" shampoo. Every time this comes on I scramble for the remote and the mute button ... this sets my teeth on edge. The gorgeously cute and peppy Cat Deeley fills our screens with her straight blond hair... It glistens and shines as she shakes and fans it around over and over again. This is followed by professional hair model with equally gorgeous hair shaking her head left and right, fanning and faffing around while the product is explained.This is all fine and you think it is over until a giddily giggly Cat reappears and you think "Hello? What has she forgotten?" And the next thing you see is Cat hopping up and down like a child who needs to pee while repeating ad nauseum:"SWISH!...Swishhhhh....swish,swish,swish!Hey you! Upload your swish to make a swish.com! Everyone is doing it!"... Giggle,giggle,giggle.
I just want to throw her over my balcony to see if her hair will swish on her way down.
Baah "Xmas ad" Humbug !
And Merry Xmas to you all.
Picture this,James Franco all dark and mysterious uttering these remarkable words:"You're running with me..."?! Camera swings to various scenes of him looking a little uncomfortable next to some bizarre furniture while "Slave to love" is playing in the background. Suddenly it all comes to a head when you hear:..."the world is changing"to which James the Bard Franco responds: "...I am still the same..." Deep voice over for the sales clincher: "Gucci by Gucci... " What in the blue blazes was that all about? I was more inclined to call a doctor than buy the product,simply because James was looking a little green around the gills and seemed to need medical attention more than a spritz of Gucci by Gucci.
This following one stars has-been cutie/lothario: Jude Law and his receding hair line (which is looking decidedly lush for the camera.) Music soars, a woman is heard exclaiming with her French accented English : "But 'ow will I recognize you?" Cut to simultaneous images of Jude primping himself for the RDV,images of the Eiffel Tower and to the woman wearing a ridiculously large hat .Our lad Jude responds with these following words that lack both passion and conviction: "Ahhh, don' yew worry abou' tha'..."
What a charmer, I can't stand it! Camera pans to him walking up behind the woman wearing the large hat which is either shielding her eyes from the sun or from direct contact with Jude the Lewd. The music rises as she is about to see him for the first time, he turns to look at her and what do we see... a squinting Jude Law who seems to be suffering from either a mild stroke or a nasty sty . Booming voice "Dior Homme "... There is nothing Dior about this ad,it may as well be for eye drops or haemorrhoid cream the result is the same:dull, lacklustre and extremely farcical. The only thing this incites me to do is get my eyes checked and seek out some elocution lessons.
Moving on :this is a double whammy starring the dynamic duo: David and Victoria Beckham for their his and her perfumes "Intimately Yours". Now you can tell this ad is aging badly and the acting is as wooden as my clogs.David, sporting a rather fetching tux, walks into an elevator and looks decidedly alluring. Victoria, trying to emote coy and sexy, spies him and joins him for a bit of slap and tickle. Her extremely shellacked hair is pulled back so tightly across her skull that she unfortunately looks like a startled grasshopper.There are flashing images back and forth of him..her...their lips..her hand flexing as though in rapturous ecstasy that is so utterly unconvincing that it can be easily mistaken for her trying to control her menstrual cramps.Thankfully the elevator door glides open, David looks convincingly caught in the act and poor old Victoria,trying to look like the cat who got the cream,comes off as the cat trying to control a mild bout of wind. Enough said.
The most painful ad in my eyes is for Pantene Pro V the"New Aqua Light" shampoo. Every time this comes on I scramble for the remote and the mute button ... this sets my teeth on edge. The gorgeously cute and peppy Cat Deeley fills our screens with her straight blond hair... It glistens and shines as she shakes and fans it around over and over again. This is followed by professional hair model with equally gorgeous hair shaking her head left and right, fanning and faffing around while the product is explained.This is all fine and you think it is over until a giddily giggly Cat reappears and you think "Hello? What has she forgotten?" And the next thing you see is Cat hopping up and down like a child who needs to pee while repeating ad nauseum:"SWISH!...Swishhhhh....swish,swish,swish!Hey you! Upload your swish to make a swish.com! Everyone is doing it!"... Giggle,giggle,giggle.
I just want to throw her over my balcony to see if her hair will swish on her way down.
Baah "Xmas ad" Humbug !
And Merry Xmas to you all.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Till Death Do Us....Party !
This has been an eventful week when it comes to celebrity breakups...must be the run up to Christmas and/or end of the year.
First announcement was the breakup of the 3 year...(3 years... only?!) marriage between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, with the headlines claiming "She cheated! "
Well, as if that would make it all more plausible or credible.Why? Is poor Arun so hapless that one needs to applaud Elizabeth's prowess in pulling off the end of their marriage which such aplomb? Apparently their marriage has been over for a while now and that although "these are sad times" she seems to be healing herself by getting her freak on with Australian cricketer and "Mask" lookalike Shane Warne. As luck would have it...he too claims that his marriage is over which conveniently exonerates the dalliance that has created the outcry.
Shane Warne is nothing but a bit of rough to reawaken a slumbering libido...she needed it and I congratulate her. Come on, whatever the reasons for the end of their marriage are and that is their business, just looking at things from here Arun looks like a snooze fest on a Sunday afternoon after roast beef and Yorkshire pud... That Bolly has left the woods and this will be great for both her ego and her image. Come New Years he'll be texting somebody else's wife and making a mess of things while Liz will safety pin herself into another tight gown,boobs a blazing while on the arm of a young lothario half her age...mark my word. You have been Warne-d....
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen have also called it quits after only 2 years of marriage,citing work commitments as the culprits.This is a great shame as they made such a gorgeous couple and one truly applauded that union.Now I fear people are also applauding its dissolution by the bucket loads: woman all over the world must be forming a queue for Ryan's heart while singing Etta James' "At last": my love has come along..." Not that the men out there are getting a raw deal either! Two hotties released in one go...Christmas has come early.
The breakup statement made was:"We end our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it." Don't let the door bump you on the way out...is more likely what he/she wanted to say...
For the third and final breakup,the perennial young lovers Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens have parted ways, having reached their relationship sell by date. The press release indicates that:"It's nothing dramatic.There's no third party involved." I believe it's more likely that he has reached a higher hollywood echelon and she no longer fitted the part nor did she feel like competing...and she simply doesn't. From where I sit,Zac has a higher profile than Vanessa,he is more red carpet A list and his star his shooting through the heavens at warp speed. She doesn't quite have the same notoriety and hasn't really moved on from the ultimate hippy chick. To be frank,I can't quite name anything she has been in since her "High School Musical" days. Come on,name one thing... The statement goes on to say that "they have been together a long time and that they simply drifted apart" which makes absolute sense and no one can refute this simple but honest statement.
Zac will move on to Angelina...just kidding (she'll eat him alive or quite possibly adopt him) but definitely someone with equal A lister footing like the gorgeous Blake Lively or fabulous Leighton Meester and the fickle world will applaud that happy union.
Now...does anybody care who Kim Kardashian is now dating? Nah! I agree....I just enjoy watching her buttocks jostle for freedom within their too tight confinement and the only time I will care to hear anything about Justin Bieber is when he has shaved all his bloody hair off and joined the Hare Krishna's ...if truth be told.....not even then.
First announcement was the breakup of the 3 year...(3 years... only?!) marriage between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar, with the headlines claiming "She cheated! "
Well, as if that would make it all more plausible or credible.Why? Is poor Arun so hapless that one needs to applaud Elizabeth's prowess in pulling off the end of their marriage which such aplomb? Apparently their marriage has been over for a while now and that although "these are sad times" she seems to be healing herself by getting her freak on with Australian cricketer and "Mask" lookalike Shane Warne. As luck would have it...he too claims that his marriage is over which conveniently exonerates the dalliance that has created the outcry.
Shane Warne is nothing but a bit of rough to reawaken a slumbering libido...she needed it and I congratulate her. Come on, whatever the reasons for the end of their marriage are and that is their business, just looking at things from here Arun looks like a snooze fest on a Sunday afternoon after roast beef and Yorkshire pud... That Bolly has left the woods and this will be great for both her ego and her image. Come New Years he'll be texting somebody else's wife and making a mess of things while Liz will safety pin herself into another tight gown,boobs a blazing while on the arm of a young lothario half her age...mark my word. You have been Warne-d....
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen have also called it quits after only 2 years of marriage,citing work commitments as the culprits.This is a great shame as they made such a gorgeous couple and one truly applauded that union.Now I fear people are also applauding its dissolution by the bucket loads: woman all over the world must be forming a queue for Ryan's heart while singing Etta James' "At last": my love has come along..." Not that the men out there are getting a raw deal either! Two hotties released in one go...Christmas has come early.
The breakup statement made was:"We end our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it." Don't let the door bump you on the way out...is more likely what he/she wanted to say...
For the third and final breakup,the perennial young lovers Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens have parted ways, having reached their relationship sell by date. The press release indicates that:"It's nothing dramatic.There's no third party involved." I believe it's more likely that he has reached a higher hollywood echelon and she no longer fitted the part nor did she feel like competing...and she simply doesn't. From where I sit,Zac has a higher profile than Vanessa,he is more red carpet A list and his star his shooting through the heavens at warp speed. She doesn't quite have the same notoriety and hasn't really moved on from the ultimate hippy chick. To be frank,I can't quite name anything she has been in since her "High School Musical" days. Come on,name one thing... The statement goes on to say that "they have been together a long time and that they simply drifted apart" which makes absolute sense and no one can refute this simple but honest statement.
Zac will move on to Angelina...just kidding (she'll eat him alive or quite possibly adopt him) but definitely someone with equal A lister footing like the gorgeous Blake Lively or fabulous Leighton Meester and the fickle world will applaud that happy union.
Now...does anybody care who Kim Kardashian is now dating? Nah! I agree....I just enjoy watching her buttocks jostle for freedom within their too tight confinement and the only time I will care to hear anything about Justin Bieber is when he has shaved all his bloody hair off and joined the Hare Krishna's ...if truth be told.....not even then.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Joan Collins: From Ermine to Pantomime
The glamorous Joan Collins has put her Dynasty days well behind her now and will be appearing in "Dick Whittington"in Birmingham over this Christmas period.She will be playing the role of Queen Rat alongside Nigel Havers and Julian Clary. I guess it promises to be a right all romp...then again how would I know? I have never been to a panto in my life and have no intentions of breaking that long run.
She was being interviewed on a TV show called "Loose Women" on ITV and basically said that she finally gave in when she realised she had no commitments and when her grandchildren told her to do it.
Wow! Or maybe she was simply bored out of her whit-ttington...! See what I did there?
Then again Pamela Anderson did panto last year...what does that tell you? Not much really since Pamela Anderson's only notoriety are her boobs, Tommy Lee and those scenes on Baywatch when she is running along the beach in slow motion.Her repertoire doesn't hold a candle to La Joan...then again Mizz Collins did star in "The Stud"... many will still remember the scene on the swing?...
I had the privilege of meeting Miss Collins many years ago in Juan Les Pins while I was working a summer job at Blanc Bleu. She walked in one morning wearing a large sun hat,a white dress, a Cartier Panthere watch and an imperious expression.She was accompanied by a tall,slim,blond man with good hair. She had just had her nails done and asked if we could show her the items that interested her.Not that Blanc Bleu was exactly Cavalli nor did she buy anything,I think she needed to duck away from prying eyes. Her boyfriend was very charming and very vocal especially when he established that not only could I speak English but that I hailed from jolly Britain. He was interested in the bathing shorts we were selling but I had to quietly whisper that they had a particular design flaw:
"I'm afraid they are a little long in the crotch."
He burst out laughing while Miss Collins seemed to fume over our shared moment of mirth as we crouched beside the bathing suit display.
"My dear! One doesn't say crotch but... crutch!"
Now that left me bamboozled and him in hysterics but I shall never forget that day and how much we laughed over those swimming trunks. As we pan back to Miss Collins...she was still not amused and rather bored now as she gave that imperious look and summoned her boyfriend to her side as they exited.
She was neither friendly,nor unfriendly she simply wafted in and wafted out still holding her hands up to dry and her head up above us lesser mortals.
Maybe her sense of humour has develop through the years and kids screaming "He's behind you" will have her in stitches and land her a Bafta....who knows.
She was being interviewed on a TV show called "Loose Women" on ITV and basically said that she finally gave in when she realised she had no commitments and when her grandchildren told her to do it.
Wow! Or maybe she was simply bored out of her whit-ttington...! See what I did there?
Then again Pamela Anderson did panto last year...what does that tell you? Not much really since Pamela Anderson's only notoriety are her boobs, Tommy Lee and those scenes on Baywatch when she is running along the beach in slow motion.Her repertoire doesn't hold a candle to La Joan...then again Mizz Collins did star in "The Stud"... many will still remember the scene on the swing?...
I had the privilege of meeting Miss Collins many years ago in Juan Les Pins while I was working a summer job at Blanc Bleu. She walked in one morning wearing a large sun hat,a white dress, a Cartier Panthere watch and an imperious expression.She was accompanied by a tall,slim,blond man with good hair. She had just had her nails done and asked if we could show her the items that interested her.Not that Blanc Bleu was exactly Cavalli nor did she buy anything,I think she needed to duck away from prying eyes. Her boyfriend was very charming and very vocal especially when he established that not only could I speak English but that I hailed from jolly Britain. He was interested in the bathing shorts we were selling but I had to quietly whisper that they had a particular design flaw:
"I'm afraid they are a little long in the crotch."
He burst out laughing while Miss Collins seemed to fume over our shared moment of mirth as we crouched beside the bathing suit display.
"My dear! One doesn't say crotch but... crutch!"
Now that left me bamboozled and him in hysterics but I shall never forget that day and how much we laughed over those swimming trunks. As we pan back to Miss Collins...she was still not amused and rather bored now as she gave that imperious look and summoned her boyfriend to her side as they exited.
She was neither friendly,nor unfriendly she simply wafted in and wafted out still holding her hands up to dry and her head up above us lesser mortals.
Maybe her sense of humour has develop through the years and kids screaming "He's behind you" will have her in stitches and land her a Bafta....who knows.
Friday, 3 December 2010
"Santa Baby": Revised for personal use only!
Season's Greetings! 'Tis the season to be jolly and the time to make your Xmas list.
Santa Baby,slip a Birkin under the tree,for me
I can't afford it alone
Santa Baby,I want myself a new pair of Choo's
Or Mou's...
Why not Manolos or Lou's?
So shimmy down my chimney tonight.
Santa sweetie, it would be heaven for a white Audi Q7,
My car has seen better days,
So Santa Baby, get down to the dealership now!
I have been so very good
Only spending what I should
But it would be so darn nice
To sip on Bollinger on ice.
Santa Baby, a Burberry avi-ator coat
Why not?
A cheaper version won't do
Santa Baby,don't drag your feet down the high street tonight.
Santa honey,fill my stocking with a Milgauss Rolex
I'll get the box of Kleenex
Don't fret!
Just hurry down the chimney tonight.
Come and leave beneath my tree
Handbags and shoes from Ol'Fendi
I really want a Peekaboo
Or something from Bottega will do
Boo doo bee doo
Santa Baby,this last little thing before I go
Some snow!
London has had its fair share...Beware!
So hurry down my chimney tonight...
And don't you dare tell me it's too tight...
I'll bloody wait for you all night....
Boo doo bee doo
Here's mine in a revised rendition of the old time favourite "Santa Baby":
I can't afford it alone
So Santa Baby,hurry down to Bond street tonight.
Santa Baby,I want myself a new pair of Choo's
Or Mou's...
Why not Manolos or Lou's?
So shimmy down my chimney tonight.
Santa sweetie, it would be heaven for a white Audi Q7,
My car has seen better days,
So Santa Baby, get down to the dealership now!
I have been so very good
Only spending what I should
But it would be so darn nice
To sip on Bollinger on ice.
Santa Baby, a Burberry avi-ator coat
Why not?
A cheaper version won't do
Santa Baby,don't drag your feet down the high street tonight.
Santa honey,fill my stocking with a Milgauss Rolex
I'll get the box of Kleenex
Don't fret!
Just hurry down the chimney tonight.
Come and leave beneath my tree
Handbags and shoes from Ol'Fendi
I really want a Peekaboo
Or something from Bottega will do
Boo doo bee doo
Santa Baby,this last little thing before I go
Some snow!
London has had its fair share...Beware!
So hurry down my chimney tonight...
And don't you dare tell me it's too tight...
I'll bloody wait for you all night....
I'll even prepare a wee little bite...
So hurry down my chimney tooo-nighttttttt. Boo doo bee doo
Thursday, 25 November 2010
MONTREAL:Est ce que "Je me souviens.."? Part 2
Shopping & Restaurants:
I was in a shopping mood...when am I not! But was soon disappointed by my lack of finding anything I really wanted to buy. Everywhere I had hit the mother load in last year yielded nothing this time. "La Vie en Rose", Canada's answer to "Victoria's Secrets", a place that had some good basics had now turned into "The Best Little Whorehouse in Quebec" with enough plumes to fill a birdhouse and garter belts to supply the whole of Moulin Rouge for the next 10 years. "Gap" looked despondent and downright suicidal, "M0851"this great Canadian leather design boutique I bought a handbag in last time,didn't seem to have evolved much, "American Eagle" for tshirts and casuals was frankly too youthful for even I(menswear far more interesting ) and don't get me started on shoes! I voiced my disappointment to my sister who simply replied:" Montreal isn't exactly the fashion capitol of the world..." I tried on and fell in love with a pair of Mou's but refrained from buying them at my BF's nagging behest...if he had his way , I'd be doing laundry and the cooking in stiletto heels and Agent Provocateur nipple tassels...as if! I guess it wasn't worth arguing about nor was it worth it at Holt Renfrew where I finally tracked down the Tory Burch wedge heel booties I have been coveting for months.
"Are those the ones you have been talking about? Well forget about them." This coming from Calvin Klein himself.
Tis the season to be jolly careful anyway...Recession is a bitch and then you over buy!
I was in a shopping mood...when am I not! But was soon disappointed by my lack of finding anything I really wanted to buy. Everywhere I had hit the mother load in last year yielded nothing this time. "La Vie en Rose", Canada's answer to "Victoria's Secrets", a place that had some good basics had now turned into "The Best Little Whorehouse in Quebec" with enough plumes to fill a birdhouse and garter belts to supply the whole of Moulin Rouge for the next 10 years. "Gap" looked despondent and downright suicidal, "M0851"this great Canadian leather design boutique I bought a handbag in last time,didn't seem to have evolved much, "American Eagle" for tshirts and casuals was frankly too youthful for even I(menswear far more interesting ) and don't get me started on shoes! I voiced my disappointment to my sister who simply replied:" Montreal isn't exactly the fashion capitol of the world..." I tried on and fell in love with a pair of Mou's but refrained from buying them at my BF's nagging behest...if he had his way , I'd be doing laundry and the cooking in stiletto heels and Agent Provocateur nipple tassels...as if! I guess it wasn't worth arguing about nor was it worth it at Holt Renfrew where I finally tracked down the Tory Burch wedge heel booties I have been coveting for months.
"Are those the ones you have been talking about? Well forget about them." This coming from Calvin Klein himself.
Tis the season to be jolly careful anyway...Recession is a bitch and then you over buy!
Shoes in general are a tricky subject in Montreal..where they lack in style and grace and trend , they make up for in function,durability as well as unmitigated ugliness. Seriously outside of Holt Renfrew, where there was a small but decent shoe department, everywhere else was quite tricky in trying to find anything that slightly resembles a half decent looking shoe.The extreme weather conditions dictate function over fashion and that is understandable but can anyone explain these to me?....And this was somehow the standard shape we came across on many men's feet without the festive tinsel and brocade. The only term I can think of using in describing these is :a sawn off shot gun in drag.
So to recap: if you are in the market for Uggs in every shape and colour,puffa coats, puffa jackets,puffa boots, Burburry anything... Lumber shirts, waffle tops,duck boots or LuluLemon sports wear...than go nuts! If not....go have lunch.
I may be watching way too much MasterChef and Top Chef but my heart was set on finding a molecular gastronomy restaurant in Montreal and was guided online to: "Bar&Boeuf"which only happened to be up the road from our hotel. I was excited at the prospect of discovering some fabulous restaurant on our doorstep and even more in indulging in one of our delights. My BF chose a lovely entree of smoked trout,all beautifully arranged on the plate with dabs of this and smears of that...I was impressed and it tasted good. I was looking forward to my Heirloom tomato salad with pumpkin seeds and greens...I got a big bowl of salad..no more,no less and one that simply refused to end...salad from Hogwarts anyone?
For the main dish we both decided on the Angus tenderloin which was to be served with fries. It didn't sound very molecular...maybe the fries would actually be a fries tasting mousse!As the waiter put down the machete style steak knives we were brought our next dish . At the sight of all those fries strewn across half the plate...I'd rather hoped he'd also bring a shovel.
I picked up my machete expecting to slice through my beef like a knife through butter only to find resistance coming from tendons as thick as guitar strings. Of course my BF,God bless him, was slicing his piece like a skater on ice and enjoying every morsel. When I declared defeat and finally layed down my weapons did a waiter sidled up to me and ask:" Madame,Is everything to your liking?"
"Yes,lovely thank you...Just a little too many fries for me and what is left of my meat is being held hostage by a tendon."
"M:Brgr/Brgr Bar" on Drummond is a fabulous joint for all lovers of the ultimate burger.I kid you not..this place is a trip. The menu in itself is an adventure and a feast of choices in how you construct the burger of your dreams. Fancy Kobe beef and white truffle shavings ? This is your place...or your basic AAA grade beef with Swiss,bacon and caramelized onions..no problem whatever you fancy is there on the menu. Knock yourselves out,the burgers are delicious,the side orders perfection: I highly recommend the sweet potato fries,the wedges are so more-ish with each yielding bite, you don't know what to eat first or where to take your next bite. A Montreal Must.
One night we were desperately trying to find a restaurant for dinner behind our hotel on Rue Saint Paul when a door suddenly opened and out popped a guy exclaiming:" Man! That was good!" We stopped,turned and looked into the window of this unpretentious restaurant filled to the rafters with jolly faced patrons tucking into steam filled plates of what looked like a down to earth home cooked meal. This was "Stash Cafe" a Polish restaurant and a cuisine I had never tasted.We didn't hesitate long after glancing at the menu and then at the faces of happy,sated people. They had us at "Pierogi"...
Pierogis are dumplings filled with either meat,cheese or cabbage and served with the most delicious and aromatic sauerkraut that has ever passed my lips.This was divine and I had to ask for more...
My BF went with potato latkes (4 huge pieces) served with sour cream and between the two of us going "mezze style" we had us a feast,sipping on beer and listening to the hearty crowd enjoying the food and each other while we all were treated to a pianist tickling the ivories and all our fancies with renditions of Rihanna's"Umbrella",Supertramp, Ave Maria, even Lady Gaga. It was surreal and therefore most memorable and believe it or not we returned twice for lunch and weren't disappointed.
We didn't have too many "gaseous"moments due to our large intake of cabbage although my BF firmly insisted to the contrary the following morning.He declared in no uncertain terms that I had "tooted a 5am bugle reveille" loud and clear.
Pity it didn't deter the bell boy...
I may be watching way too much MasterChef and Top Chef but my heart was set on finding a molecular gastronomy restaurant in Montreal and was guided online to: "Bar&Boeuf"which only happened to be up the road from our hotel. I was excited at the prospect of discovering some fabulous restaurant on our doorstep and even more in indulging in one of our delights. My BF chose a lovely entree of smoked trout,all beautifully arranged on the plate with dabs of this and smears of that...I was impressed and it tasted good. I was looking forward to my Heirloom tomato salad with pumpkin seeds and greens...I got a big bowl of salad..no more,no less and one that simply refused to end...salad from Hogwarts anyone?
For the main dish we both decided on the Angus tenderloin which was to be served with fries. It didn't sound very molecular...maybe the fries would actually be a fries tasting mousse!As the waiter put down the machete style steak knives we were brought our next dish . At the sight of all those fries strewn across half the plate...I'd rather hoped he'd also bring a shovel.
I picked up my machete expecting to slice through my beef like a knife through butter only to find resistance coming from tendons as thick as guitar strings. Of course my BF,God bless him, was slicing his piece like a skater on ice and enjoying every morsel. When I declared defeat and finally layed down my weapons did a waiter sidled up to me and ask:" Madame,Is everything to your liking?"
"Yes,lovely thank you...Just a little too many fries for me and what is left of my meat is being held hostage by a tendon."
"M:Brgr/Brgr Bar" on Drummond is a fabulous joint for all lovers of the ultimate burger.I kid you not..this place is a trip. The menu in itself is an adventure and a feast of choices in how you construct the burger of your dreams. Fancy Kobe beef and white truffle shavings ? This is your place...or your basic AAA grade beef with Swiss,bacon and caramelized onions..no problem whatever you fancy is there on the menu. Knock yourselves out,the burgers are delicious,the side orders perfection: I highly recommend the sweet potato fries,the wedges are so more-ish with each yielding bite, you don't know what to eat first or where to take your next bite. A Montreal Must.
One night we were desperately trying to find a restaurant for dinner behind our hotel on Rue Saint Paul when a door suddenly opened and out popped a guy exclaiming:" Man! That was good!" We stopped,turned and looked into the window of this unpretentious restaurant filled to the rafters with jolly faced patrons tucking into steam filled plates of what looked like a down to earth home cooked meal. This was "Stash Cafe" a Polish restaurant and a cuisine I had never tasted.We didn't hesitate long after glancing at the menu and then at the faces of happy,sated people. They had us at "Pierogi"...
Pierogis are dumplings filled with either meat,cheese or cabbage and served with the most delicious and aromatic sauerkraut that has ever passed my lips.This was divine and I had to ask for more...
My BF went with potato latkes (4 huge pieces) served with sour cream and between the two of us going "mezze style" we had us a feast,sipping on beer and listening to the hearty crowd enjoying the food and each other while we all were treated to a pianist tickling the ivories and all our fancies with renditions of Rihanna's"Umbrella",Supertramp, Ave Maria, even Lady Gaga. It was surreal and therefore most memorable and believe it or not we returned twice for lunch and weren't disappointed.
We didn't have too many "gaseous"moments due to our large intake of cabbage although my BF firmly insisted to the contrary the following morning.He declared in no uncertain terms that I had "tooted a 5am bugle reveille" loud and clear.
Pity it didn't deter the bell boy...
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
MONTREAL: Est ce que "Je me souviens.."? Part 1
1) Hotel Saint Paul & Rediscovering the city:
My BF and I went to Montreal together in September 2009 and had a gorgeous time in this vibrant,youth filled little city with a heart of gold. The fact that we chose to return so soon should have been a deterrent but while I was well aware that we could not relive the same experiences,I was convinced that there would be enough the second time round for us to enjoy this city once again. But Montreal isn't London,New York or Paris and what you saw the first time,is what you get the second time...with a change of season,wardrobes and window dressing.
We had no problem with the dry cold or the wind that gave me brain freeze whenever I forgot my hat. What we did have a problem with was that the area in which we chose to stay in: Old Montreal with its art galleries,cobbled streets and quirky restaurants was dead calm in November. I had specifically chosen the modern,minimalist Hotel Saint Paul on Rue McGill in order for us to discover another area in Montreal. I foolishly thought that it would have the same vibe as Soho in NYC.... Forgedabboudit. The deadly calm spread up and around Square Victoria making it blatantly clear that this was very much an area that came to life during business hours Mon to Fri and that during the weekend it is tumble weeds and echoing silence. We soon discovered for ourselves that the only crowd we were going to come across were at breakfast in the hotel.
Our room on the 8th floor was spacious and the view was on the river and Rue McGill with a window seat to watch the world go by or not..as the case may be. With all the minimalism going on someone forgot the basics : a decent chair to sit in and that horse hair and metal contraption that requires a winch to extricate you from and a visit to a local osteopath was hardly the winning ticket although it looked very nice we stayed well away from it and its deadly jaws. The hotel was generally quiet,no rowdy revellers nor major traffic starting up at 6.00am...other than our bell boy thwacking down the newspaper outside our door and every other door on our floor...thwack,thwack,thwack...You'd think he was bush whacking his way across the jungle!In our bid to discover new areas, we had read that the Blvd St.Laurent was the place for boutiques and restaurants.We now knew the Rue Saint Catherine and its companions by heart and could walk them blindfolded and don't get me started on all the interconnecting malls..we were up for a challenge. It was a sunny Sunday and we had all the time in the world..before the shops opened at 11/12am. We walked up its entire length from the old town all the way up to what they refer to as the "real" Montreal:the Plateau Mont Royal,an artsy,fun area that we had visited on the last trip and loved. But I felt nothing but disappointment as we walked the Blvd St Laurent, we passed seedy strip clubs,abandoned lots with winos out for the count huddled in empty doorways. There were a handful of interesting boutiques that were either closed or not yet open.... but not enough to keep me interested after having walked several hours to the promised land only to find it lacking. My 8 year old self soon surfaced and reared its ugly head:" Are we there yet? Wherever "there" may be? 'cos it sure as hell isn't here!"
My BF lost his patience: "Is shopping the only thing that interests you? Can't we just walk and visit the area without spending money?"
By then we had reached a residential area on our quest to find "The Mile"where outdoor cafes,bookstores and mythical boutiques were to be found. It would have been perfect had we found it before a rumbling truck drove by us on the main road and subsequently belched up a cloud of black smoke all over my BF.
"I think it is time we turned back,don't you?"
And we soon found ourselves in the green oasis of the park beneath Mont Royal and its breathtaking view over the city. And that was worth the schlep.
"What do you say we walk up the mountain?"
"Are you nuts? Do I look like I can climb Mount bloody Everest when I can hardly put one foot in front of the other?"
We did go up a few days later but like civilised tourists ,taking a metro and then a bus up the mountain to stroll over to the spectacular view that overlooks the entire city...spectacular.
